- [first lines]
- Chester A. Riley: I'll tell you what harm there is! That Simon is a boy who... He's a boy who...
- Barbara 'Babs' Riley: Well, what?
- Chester A. Riley: He's a boy! That's enough, isn't it?
- Chester A. Riley: Besides that, he's nothing but a lazy loafer. He'll never amount to anything.
- Barbara 'Babs' Riley: But Dad, Simon's only 20.
- Chester A. Riley: Babs, do you realize when I was 20, your mother was supporting me and a baby?
- Barbara 'Babs' Riley: It's just not fair!
- Chester A. Riley: I don't have to be fair - I'm your father.
- Chester A. Riley: I know what you did! I just read this card, and I just spoke to the Justice of the Peace!
- Barbara 'Babs' Riley: Oh Simon, he knows!
- Simon Vanderhopper: Mr. Riley, you're not angry?
- Barbara 'Babs' Riley: There's still Christmas.
- Peg Riley: What?
- Chester A. Riley: Christmas, nothing doing! I'm calling it off now!
- Simon Vanderhopper: Well, you can't call it off! We already ordered the baby announcements.
- Chester A. Riley: The baby announcements?
- Peg Riley: Oh my heavens!
- Simon Vanderhopper: Yes sir, I don't let the grass grow under my feet!
- Chester A. Riley: What do you mean the baby announcements? You were just married!