The Simpsons (TV Series)

I Married Marge (1991)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier, Jacqueline Bouvier

Quotes 

• Marge : Homer, do you ever think about the future?

  Homer : You mean like, will apes be our masters?

• Marge : Homer, I've been thinking and if the baby's a boy, what do you think of the name Larry?

  Homer : Marge, we can't do that. All the kids will call him Larry Fairy.

  Marge : Well, how about Louie?

  Homer : They'll call him Screwy Louie.

  Marge : Bob?

  Homer : Slob.

  Marge : Luke?

  Homer : Puke.

  Marge : Marcus?

  Homer : Mucus.

  Marge : What about Bart?

  Homer : Let's see. Bart, Cart, Dart, E-art... nope, can't see any problem with that

  [seemingly forgetting that "fart" would come next] 

• Homer : Ahhh, Bart. Daddy's little angel.

  [Bart uses Homer's lighter to set his tie on fire] 

  Homer : Argh! Why you little... you did that on purpose!

  Marge : How could he? He's only ten minutes old?

• [Marge is pregnant with Bart] 

  Marge : Hey, come over here and feel our baby kicking.

  Homer : Wow! Kid, I won't let you down. I swear to you, when you come out of there, the first thing you're going to see is a man with a good job.

  Patty : Yeah... the doctor.

• Homer : Bart, Lisa, come here for a minute. You know, son, the day you were born, I received the greatest gift a man could have. As the years went by, your mother and I were blessed twice more, and not a day goes by that we don't thank God for all three of you.

  Marge : [Marge enters]  Homer, I'm not pregnant!

  Homer : Yeah! Whoo! Excellent, Marge!

  Marge : Yes!

  [They high five each other] 

• Homer : Oh, honey do you really think you're pregnant?

  Marge : Well, I have the same nausea and craving for pancake mix I did with the other kids.

  Homer : Yeah, and I have the same tingling in my chest and profuse sweating I always get.

• Dr. Hibbert : Perhaps this pamphlet will prove helpful.

  Marge : [reading]  "So You've Ruined Your Life"...

• [when Bart was born] 

  Marge : Homey, isn't he beautiful?

  Homer : Hey, as long as he's got eight fingers and eight toes, he's fine by me.

• Homer : [as Marge goes into labor]  Step aside. I'll deliver this baby.

  Dr. Hibbert : Uh, why don't you let me handle it, Homer?

  Homer : Oh, college boy, eh?

  [Squares up to Dr. Hibbert] 

  Marge : Homer, for God's sakes, let him deliver the baby!

• [Homer is working at a drive-thru window] 

  Homer : Yeah, what do you want?

  Marge : My husband by my side.

  Homer : You want fries with that?

• Marge : "Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test"? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?

  Homer : But Marge, this one came with a free corncob pipe!

  Marge : Okay, let's see. "Ahoy mateys! If the water turns blue, a baby for you. If purple ye see, no baby thar be."

  Homer : Well, what color is it? Blue or purple?

  Marge : Pink.

  Homer : D'oh!

  Marge : Hmm. "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail."

• Homer : Marge, there's something that I wanna to ask you, but I'm afraid, because if you say no, it will destroy me and make me a criminal.

  Marge : Well, I haven't said no to you lately, have I?

  Homer : Marge, I... damnit, where's that card?

  [looking around] 

  Marge : What card?

  Homer : Ohn I wrote down what I was going to say on a card. Stupid thing must have fallen out of my pocket.

  [He turns and hunches over the seat, rooting around the floor of the back of the car, and honking the horn with his feet. Marge picks up a card] 

  Marge : Is this it?

  Homer : What's it say?

  Marge : [reading]  "Marge, from the first moment I saw you I never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't have much to offer you except all of my love. Will you marry me?"

  Homer : That's the card, give it here.

  Marge : Oh, Homer. This is the most beautiful moment of my life!

  Homer : So... will you marry me?

  Marge : ...Yes!

  Homer : WOO HOO! WOO HOO! Yeah! She's gonna to marry me! In your face, everybody! WOO HOO!

• Selma : Marge, I've got two and a half words for you: Gulp 'N Blow.

• Homer : [Knocking on door]  Marge! Marge!

  Jacqueline Bouvier : You're a little late. She's gone to the hospital.

  Homer : The hospital?

  Jacqueline Bouvier : I'll drive you.

  Homer : Thanks, Mom.

  Jacqueline Bouvier : Don't *ever* call me that.