The Simpsons (TV Series)
Last Tap Dance in Springfield (2000)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Caller, Stan, Man
Quotes
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Optometrist : [Homer is trying on glasses] That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer...
Homer : Ooh, my favorite Door.
Optometrist : ...and Yoko Ono.
Homer : Eww, she ruined the Plastic Ono Band!
Optometrist : Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.
Homer : Will it get me out of having to choose glasses?
Optometrist : Well, yes, but I must warn you it's an experimental procedure we still don't know the long-term effects...
Homer : [pointing the laser at his eye] Less yappin', more zappin'!
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Marge Simpson : [watching Lisa tap dance] Wow, look at her go!
Homer : Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off!
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Optometrist : Okay, let's get started.
[turning off the lights, she hears him snoring]
Optometrist : Hey, wake up!
Homer Simpson : What do you...? Oh, sorry.
Optometrist : Now, read the first line.
Homer Simpson : "I ate pee pee."
[writing "I 8 PP", Bart laughs]
Homer Simpson : [strangling him] Why, you little...!
Optometrist : [switching lenses] Better or worse?
Homer Simpson : Worse!
Optometrist : [switching them again] Better or worse?
Homer Simpson : *Much* better!
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Professor Frink : [Examining Lisa's self dancing shoes] Jesus, Mary and Glavin! These shoes are in the 'Off' position!
Lisa Simpson : You mean I danced all by myself?
Marge Simpson : See, honey? All you needed was to believe...
Homer Simpson : [Snatching the shoes from Professor Frink] What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're *clearly* in the 'On' position. See? 'On'.
[Shows them to Lisa. Her face falls]
Professor Frink : I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
Homer Simpson : Oh, ohhh! Well, now that I look even closer...
Lisa Simpson : Forget it, Dad.