- Marie Barone: Frank, you're bidding on the pedicure? Why are you signing up for all these things?
- Frank Barone: Leave me alone, I'm just trying to drive the prices up.
- Marie Barone: Just trying to be a big shot. Why don't you pick one little thing that you really like...
- Frank Barone: Hey, hey, *silent* auction.
- Ray Barone: Come on, what do you - don't be such a bad sport.
- Debra Barone: What if you were me? What would you do?
- Ray Barone: I would laugh at all my husband's jokes, strip off my clothes, have my way with him and then put on TV.
- Debra Barone: Keep dreaming.
- Ray Barone: I would - I'd be so naughty. I might even talk dirty, oh!
- Ray Barone: Listen, we're here for the kids because, uh, they're the future and they deserve - they deserve a new playground, really. So that they can slide and swing upside down and break their necks.
- Ray Barone: Who's gonna bid twenty dollars for this fine piece of craftsmanship, finely crafted by a fine craftsman who I happen to sleep with?
- Ray Barone: I know, you're mad at the jokes.
- Debra Barone: You just - you just couldn't stop, could you, Ray?
- Ray Barone: I was killing them, it was great. That box falling apart, that was the best thing that could've happened. That broke the ice.
- Debra Barone: You embarrassed me.
- Ray Barone: What? No! It was all fun. Come on, I told you, people thought that we did it on purpose.
- Debra Barone: I felt humiliated.
- Ray Barone: Don't feel humiliated.
- Debra Barone: Don't tell me how to feel.
- Ray Barone: But you're wrong.
- Debra Barone: There's no right or wrong, this is how I feel. You can not tell me not be humiliated, I just am.
- Ray Barone: Okay, all right, feel humiliated.
- Debra Barone: I don't anymore.
- Ray Barone: Okay, all right...
- Debra Barone: Now I'm just angry. I mean I can't believe - I can't believe you - It's bad enough what you did to me tonight, but you don't even care how I feel about it. All you care about is how well you did, you laugh-whore
- Ray Barone: Maybe you should... go back to being humiliated.
- Frank Barone: Debra, what kind of con game are you running?
- Marie Barone: It's your own fault, Frank. Who told you to sign up for all those things?
- Frank Barone: I didn't expect to win this crap.
- Debra Barone: It's not crap, Frank.
- Frank Barone: Oh yeah? $80 for the use of a canoe. That is *floating* crap.
- Marie Barone: Some people would consider a canoe ride romantic.
- Frank Barone: Guess you didn't see "Deliverance"
- Ray Barone: Now, give Gumby some Pokey
- [He kisses Debra who does not kiss him back]
- Ray Barone: Whoa! I don't want to say that was cold, but if your mouth opened, a little light would come on.
- Frank Barone: What kind of an idiot would spend 80$ for a canoe ride?
- Marie Barone: Some people think a canoe ride can be romantic.
- Frank Barone: I take it, you never saw "Deliverance".
- Ray Barone: She's not gonna get you.
- Ray Barone: How do you know?
- Robert Barone: Cause I said, "Are you gonna get Raymond?" She said, "no." Case closed.
- Ray Barone: That's it?
- Robert Barone: Oh, yeah. And she also said the twins aren't yours.
- Ray Barone: Come on. Come on. Yeah. Really, what's going on?
- Robert Barone: Raymond, I know when people are up to something. I can smell it.
- Ray Barone: And she smells all right?
- Robert Barone: She smells very good.