- Lisa Simpson: Wow! An alternate ending to "Casablanca". Bart, this could be priceless!
- Bart Simpson: Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?
- Marge Simpson: When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refridgerator motor?
- Homer Simpson: Eh, I never thought I'd live this long.
- Homer Simpson: Hey, look what was in here! A program from that guy's funeral.
- Marge Simpson: You mean Frank Grimes?
- Homer Simpson: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever happened to that guy?
- Carl Carlson: How d'you do ma'am?
- Lenny Leonard: Hope this evening finds you well.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, knock it off, you perverts!
- Marge Simpson: Kids, I want to explain about the stadium. You see, sometimes, Moms and Dads get a little accustomed to each other.
- Homer Simpson: Dads especially.
- [as Homer hangs naked, from a hot air balloon]
- Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!
- Bart Simpson: You guys are sick.
- [Bart and Lisa leave]
- Marge Simpson: You don't think there's anything wrong with what we're doing, do you?
- Homer Simpson: I don't think anything I've ever done is wrong!
- Marge Simpson: We drank so much, that night!
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit.
- [laughs]
- Marge Simpson: [laughs uneasily] Yeah...
- Homer Simpson: Well, this time I'm drunk on love... and beer.
- Bart Simpson: There's gotta be something to do around here. Hey, are they pulling the plug on anybody today?
- Grampa Simpson: Nope, everybody's paid up.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, this is so naughty. Coming back to our old love-nest.
- Homer Simpson: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.
- Carl Carlson: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
- Lenny Leonard: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
- Homer Simpson: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
- Carl Carlson: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
- Lenny Leonard: Can I come?
- Homer Simpson: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.
- Grampa Simpson: Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.
- Rod Flanders: I'm not Bart. I'm Rod Flanders.
- Grampa Simpson: There you go with that smart mouth! Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.
- Todd Flanders: Yes sir!
- Homer Simpson: [Homer and Marge, both naked, land in the middle of a football field as the crowd gasps, cheers, and whistles] Why don't you take a picture? It will last longer.
- [the whole crowd lights up with camera flashes]
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- [last lines]
- [Marge and Homer rush off for some 'miniature golf']
- Bart Simpson: [to Lisa] They're gonna feel so silly when they realize they forgot us!