- [the Simpsons are in jail with Michael Moore, the Dixie Chicks, and Elmo]
- Elmo: Elmo go to wrong fundraiser.
- Bart Simpson: [singing] Americans are brave and loyal / So come on jerks, give us your oil...
- Lisa Simpson: My card here says 'ACLU' / Now look what I'm going to do!
- [she sets the card on fire]
- Newspaper editor: I want you to over-hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times. Or, the New York Times look like the New York Post. I.. forget which one the good one is.
- Prisoner: My only crime was driving a truck full of explosives in from Canada.