The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart Sells His Soul (1995)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Ralph Wiggum, Dr. Hibbert's Younger Son, Todd Flanders, Nelson Muntz, Girl with Sore Teeth

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lisa : Hmmm, Pablo Neruda said "Laughter is the language of the soul."

  Bart : I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.

• Bart : [to Milhouse]  How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid?

• Bart : Milhouse, there is no such thing as a soul. It's just something parents made up to scare children, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

• [Bart has sold his soul to Milhouse] 

  Milhouse : A pleasure doing business with you.

  Bart : Anytime, chummm... p.

• [Rev. Lovejoy is trying to get the children of the congregation to confess to substituting a hymn for "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"] 

  Rev. Lovejoy : I know one of you is responsible for this. So repeat after me: If I withhold the truth, may I go straight to Hell, where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola...

  Other Children : where firey demons will brush me in the back...

  Bart : [in a sarcastic tone, along with the others]  my soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon a bed of murderers and single mothers...

  Milhouse : where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds.

  [Milhouse looks out the window at a black bird in a tree] 

  Bird : *Screech*

  Milhouse : Bart did it! That Bart, right there!

  Bart : Milhouse!

  Rev. Lovejoy : Milhouse, you did the right thing. Bart, come with me for punishment.

  [pulls Bart away from the other children, then comes back and grabs Milhouse] 

  Rev. Lovejoy : You too, Snitchy.

• [after Bart has sold his soul] 

  Bart : Hey, boy, how's it going?

  [Santa's Little Helper rears up and growls] 

  Bart : [to Snowball II]  What's wrong with him?

  [Snowball II rears up and hisses] 

  Bart : Geez! You're pretty uppity for someone who eats bugs all day.

  [He leaves. Snowball II coughs out a bug] 

• [after selling his soul, Bart goes to the Qwik-E-Mart, and bumps into the sliding glass door when it fails to open] 

  Bart : Oof! Stupid automatic door!

  [Bart steps back. Rod and Tod walk by, and the door opens for them] 

  Rod Flanders , Tod Flanders : Thank you, door!

  [Bart slips in after them. A few minutes later, he tries to leave, and bumps into the door when it fails to open again] 

  Bart : [rubbing his nose]  This is getting weird...

  Apu : [over loudspeaker]  Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex. Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex.

• Bart : Milhouse! Milhouse! Open up! You win. I just want this nightmare to end.

  Potato Bug Sprayer : [the door opens and a man in a radiation suit with a Darth Vader voice comes out]  Leave this place. You are in great danger.

  Bart : Where's Milhouse?

  Potato Bug Sprayer : The one you call Milhouse is gone.

  [he removes his helmet and it's just a normal man with a squeakier voice] 

  Potato Bug Sprayer : He went to his Grandma's, while we're spraying for potato bugs.

  [the camera pulls back to reveal the house being fumigated] 

• [Uncle Moe approaches to Snake and gives the check to him] 

  Snake : Oh dude, you did not smile, we eat for free. Come on Shoshanna, let's roll! Ha-ha!

  Moe Szyslak : [Snake and Shoshanna left the restaurant as Uncle Moe plea for his song]  But I sang you the potato stuffings! Come on! I sang you the potato stuffings!

  Krusty the Clown : Look at the vein on that guy's forehead. He's gonna blow!

  [Moe's left eyelid flickers involuntarily and dangerously as the siren begins to blare] 

  Girl with Sore Teeth : Unky Moe?

  [Uncle Moe saw a girl as she tugs his apron] 

  Moe Szyslak : [He tries to hide in his anger]  Whaaat... is it, sweetheart?

  Girl with Sore Teeth : My sodie is too cold. My teef hurt!

  Moe Szyslak : Oh, your "teef" hurt, huh? Your "teef" hurt...

  [He loses it] 

  Moe Szyslak : Well, that's too freakin' bad, you hear me! I'll tell you where you can put your freakin' sodie, too!

  [the entire restaurant gasps and one customer says "Oh my goodness!"] 

  Tod Flanders : [Maude gets Todd's ears covered]  Ow, my freakin' ears!

  [Ned and Maude gasp] 

  Maude Flanders : Oh, let's go, dear!

  Ned Flanders : Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's but not here!

  Moe Szyslak : [All of the customers have left the restaurant and Uncle Moe give a final plea for his final offer to the customers]  Aw, come on, folks, wait. Please come back. Please! I got a new offer. Whenever Uncle Moe threatens you, you get a free steak... fish.

  [the last customer walks out the door and slams it, and Uncle Moe sighs heavily] 

• Lisa : I would like to say grace. Lord have mercy on my soul. And Mom's soul and Dad's soul and Maggie's soul. And that every soul in Christendom..

  Marge Simpson : [after Bart throws a meatball at Lisa]  Bart!

  Bart : I can't take this anymore! I want my soul and I want it now!

• Ralph Wiggum : [laughing as he sprays Uncle Moe with water from his water pistol] 

  Moe Szyslak : Hey what the hell are you doing you little freak?

  Ralph Wiggum : [crying] 

  Moe Szyslak : Oh sorry kid. Sorry. I'm not used to the laughter of children. It cuts through me like a dentist's drill. But no no that was funny, you taking away my dignity like that. Ha ha.