The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart Sells His Soul (1995)

Hank Azaria: Dr. Hibbert's Elder Son, Moe Szyslak, Carl, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Waiter, Potato Bug Sprayer, Snake, Chief Wiggum, Kirk Van Houten, Comic Book Guy

Quotes 

• Chief Wiggum : [sees a crazy hobo running around screaming]  Ralphie, you stay here in the car while daddy tries to talk some sense into this raving derelict.

  [Goes outside] 

  Derelict : Garalmglkaklafja!

  Chief Wiggum : [stands there looking]  All right all right slow down, slow down!

  Derelict : Alfred Hitchcock stole every idea I've ever had! He came into my room...!

  Chief Wiggum : Who's been stealing your thoughts?

  Derelict : Did you ever read Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe?

  [mutters] 

  Derelict : John Gielgud...! I have powers!

• Moe Szyslak : Here you go! Here I am! / Uncle Moe! Thank you ma'am! / This'll be a treat! / Uncle Moe! Here I am! While you eat!

• Moe Szyslak : So, come on. I need a name that says friendly, all-American cooking.

  Homer Simpson : How about Chairman Moe's Magic Wok?

  Barney Gumble : I like it!

  Moe Szyslak : Hmm. Nah, I want something that says people can have a have a nice, relaxing time.

  Homer Simpson : I got it! Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker!

  Barney Gumble : I like it!

  Moe Szyslak : Hey! How about Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag?

  Barney Gumble : I hate it.

• [after selling his soul, Bart goes to the Qwik-E-Mart, and bumps into the sliding glass door when it fails to open] 

  Bart : Oof! Stupid automatic door!

  [Bart steps back. Rod and Tod walk by, and the door opens for them] 

  Rod Flanders , Tod Flanders : Thank you, door!

  [Bart slips in after them. A few minutes later, he tries to leave, and bumps into the door when it fails to open again] 

  Bart : [rubbing his nose]  This is getting weird...

  Apu : [over loudspeaker]  Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex. Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex.

• Bart : Milhouse! Milhouse! Open up! You win. I just want this nightmare to end.

  Potato Bug Sprayer : [the door opens and a man in a radiation suit with a Darth Vader voice comes out]  Leave this place. You are in great danger.

  Bart : Where's Milhouse?

  Potato Bug Sprayer : The one you call Milhouse is gone.

  [he removes his helmet and it's just a normal man with a squeakier voice] 

  Potato Bug Sprayer : He went to his Grandma's, while we're spraying for potato bugs.

  [the camera pulls back to reveal the house being fumigated] 

• Grandma Van Houten : Close that door, you're letting all the heat out!

  Kirk Van Houten : Shut up shut up shut up!

• Moe Szyslak : [the birthday alarm rings]  Oh, no!

  [smiles and puts the fry basket on his head] 

  Moe Szyslak : Here you go! Here I am! / Uncle Moe! Thank you, ma'am! / This'll be a treat! / Uncle Moe! Here I am! While you eat!

  Sherri : Yay! Now do it for Terri!

  Moe Szyslak : What, it's your birthday, too?

  Sherri , Terri : We're twins!

  Moe Szyslak : [sighs, bored]  Here ya go. Here I am. Eat your fries. Eat 'em.

• [Uncle Moe approaches to Snake and gives the check to him] 

  Snake : Oh dude, you did not smile, we eat for free. Come on Shoshanna, let's roll! Ha-ha!

  Moe Szyslak : [Snake and Shoshanna left the restaurant as Uncle Moe plea for his song]  But I sang you the potato stuffings! Come on! I sang you the potato stuffings!

  Krusty the Clown : Look at the vein on that guy's forehead. He's gonna blow!

  [Moe's left eyelid flickers involuntarily and dangerously as the siren begins to blare] 

  Girl with Sore Teeth : Unky Moe?

  [Uncle Moe saw a girl as she tugs his apron] 

  Moe Szyslak : [He tries to hide in his anger]  Whaaat... is it, sweetheart?

  Girl with Sore Teeth : My sodie is too cold. My teef hurt!

  Moe Szyslak : Oh, your "teef" hurt, huh? Your "teef" hurt...

  [He loses it] 

  Moe Szyslak : Well, that's too freakin' bad, you hear me! I'll tell you where you can put your freakin' sodie, too!

  [the entire restaurant gasps and one customer says "Oh my goodness!"] 

  Tod Flanders : [Maude gets Todd's ears covered]  Ow, my freakin' ears!

  [Ned and Maude gasp] 

  Maude Flanders : Oh, let's go, dear!

  Ned Flanders : Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's but not here!

  Moe Szyslak : [All of the customers have left the restaurant and Uncle Moe give a final plea for his final offer to the customers]  Aw, come on, folks, wait. Please come back. Please! I got a new offer. Whenever Uncle Moe threatens you, you get a free steak... fish.

  [the last customer walks out the door and slams it, and Uncle Moe sighs heavily] 

• Ralph Wiggum : [laughing as he sprays Uncle Moe with water from his water pistol] 

  Moe Szyslak : Hey what the hell are you doing you little freak?

  Ralph Wiggum : [crying] 

  Moe Szyslak : Oh sorry kid. Sorry. I'm not used to the laughter of children. It cuts through me like a dentist's drill. But no no that was funny, you taking away my dignity like that. Ha ha.

• Moe Szyslak : If you like good food good fun and a whole lot of crazy crap on the walls then come on down to Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag.

  Announcer : At Moe's we serve good old fashioned home cooking deep fried to perfection.

  Moe Szyslak : Now that's Moe like it! So bring the whole family mom dad kids. Uh no old people. They're not covered by our insurance. It's fun! And remember our guarantee if i'm not smiling when your check comes your meal's on me Uncle Moe!

  Chorus : [singing]  Come to Uncle Moe's for family fun it's good good good good Good good good.

  Homer Simpson : Mmm! Sounds good.

• Ned Flanders : Now Rod you order anything you want for your big ten o.

  Rod Flanders : Million dollar birthday fries!

  Waiter : Uh oh!

  Maude Flanders : Moe gets so excited when you order his million dollar birthday fries he just has to celebrate

  Moe Szyslak : [comes out with a bowl of fries on his head]  Here you go! Here I am! Uncle Moe! Thank you ma'am! This will be a treat! Uncle Moe! Here I am While you eat! Please take the basket off my head kid the basket is extremely hot.