- Chief Wiggum: [arresting Marge for selling prescription drugs] Save it, Ma Peddle!
- Lou: Ma Peddle?
- Chief Wiggum: It's a reference to Ma Kettle, a movie character from the 1940s.
- Lou: Chief, if you have to explain it, it's not very good.
- Homer Simpson: I can't believe I have to drive all the way to Oregon. With it's rich unspoiled lands and birthplace of Matt Groening.
- Carl: Moe, why you being so generous? You're usually so stingy and ratlike.
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, well, you remember that time I tried to hang myself and the rope broke? Well, I sued the rope company and I got a huge settlement, and a new rope!
- Barney: Wow!
- Homer Simpson: Ooh!
- Carl: Hey, nice rope.
- Lenny: You could hang a cow with that thing.
- Homer Simpson: Hey, guys, I have to put the boy on a plane to soul-crushing camp, then I'll be back to go to Vegas.
- Bart Simpson: Dad, if you take me to Vegas, I'll teach you how to cheat at blackjack.
- Homer Simpson: Boy, you don't need to cheat when you got a system.
- Bart Simpson: What's your system?
- Homer Simpson: [whispering] I don't tell your mother how much I've lost.
- Bart Simpson: Dad, neither of us wanna go, why are you doing this? Where's the old care-free Homer who likes to cut loose?
- Homer Simpson: You mean "Fun Homer"? I'm afraid Serious Homer has him locked up till you're at your snooty torture camp.
- Bart Simpson: [yelling into Homer's ear] Fight back Fun Homer, together we can win!
- Homer Simpson: It's no use.
- [shows inside Homer's head]
- Fun Homer: Aw, come on, Serious Homer, lemme out. We can get a monkey drunk and push him down the stairs.
- Serious Homer: I'll kill you the way I killed Intellectual Homer!
- [camera pans to a dead body of Intellectual Homer in a pile of blood that spells out "Ontogeny recapitulates Phylogeny"]
- Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad, we got a long way to go, you can't stay mad at me the whole time.
- Homer Simpson: Boy, if were half as smart as you think you are, you'd clean up your act.
- Bart Simpson: Well, maybe pulling pranks is the only thing I'm good at.
- Homer Simpson: Well, at least you have something you're good at. I'm 38 years old driving a crappy car with a son who doesn't respect me and I'm one snickers pie away from losing my foot to diabetes. Mmmm, snickers pie.
- Homer Simpson: [Homer is on the verge of falling off from the cliff] Boy! Push down on the bumper, then I can back the car up and save myself!
- Bart Simpson: Hmm... If I save you, what are you gonna do to me?
- Homer Simpson: Shower you with love, because this experience has taught me just how precious you are.
- [Bart pushes the car down]
- Homer Simpson: I'LL KILL YOU! I'll kill your whole family!
- [Bart moves the car up]
- Homer Simpson: Kidding, I'm kidding! We can't do that. We have a special friendship.
- [car goes down]
- Homer Simpson: I'M GONNA DOUBLE KILL YOU! Then I'm gonna bury you in a shallow grave, then I'll dig you up and kill you again! That's the beauty of a shallow grave!
- [car goes up]
- Homer Simpson: You sweet, little angel. Oh, I'm gonna
- [car goes down]
- Homer Simpson: rip your head off and spit down
- [car goes up]
- Homer Simpson: you adorable, little neck,
- [car goes down]
- Homer Simpson: because I wanna SMASH YOUR LITTLE, STUPID HEAD!
- [car goes up]
- Homer Simpson: Oh, but I love you; we'll go on a fishing trip.
- [car goes down]
- Homer Simpson: But first, I'm gonna put you in a saw mill then punch your little face out! That's what I'm gonna do!
- Homer Simpson: this camps got it all climbing some rope thing wearing a backpack high fiving a black kid.