- Josh Nichols: Cumin? Cumin? You put cumin in his waffles?
- Drake Parker: You told me to put cumin in his waffles.
- Josh Nichols: I said cinnamon! Cinnamon!
- Drake Parker: Well, what's the difference?
- Josh Nichols: Everything! All right, cinnamon is sweet and delicious. Cumin is a Mexican spice. You were flavoring a waffle, not a chimichanga!
- Drake Parker: Hey, anyone want a tangelo?
- Josh Nichols: Mmm, half tangerine, half... elo.
- Drake Parker: [British accent] 'ello
- Drake Parker: Okay, making Dad realize how great Mom is didn't go so well.
- Josh Nichols: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. I-I thought it went rather smooth FOR A POISONING!
- Josh Nichols: About Dad, all right? I think he IS dating another woman.
- Drake Parker: What happened?
- Josh Nichols: Well, I caught him sneaking in. He was wearing a suit. When I asked him were he'd been, he says "I was out buyin' milk but I drank it all on the way home."
- Drake Parker: Oh, that's bad.
- Josh Nichols: I know.
- Drake Parker: We really needed some milk.
- Josh Nichols: [beating Drake with a pillow] THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR DAIRY NEEDS.
- Josh Nichols: [catching Walter sneaking home at midnight] Where've you been?
- Walter Nichols: I was, um... out... buying some milk.
- Josh Nichols: Oh. Where is it?
- Walter Nichols: Hm?
- Josh Nichols: The milk, where is it?
- Walter Nichols: I drank it on the way home.
- Josh Nichols: Okay. Why you wearing a suit?
- Walter Nichols: What, a man can't look nice when he goes dairy shopping?
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: Walter!
- Walter Nichols: Hm.
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: I am not happy!
- Walter Nichols: Why, because your demon waffles didn't kill me?