The Simpsons (TV Series)

There's No Disgrace Like Home (1990)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, Son in Monroe ad

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer : Sometimes I think we're the worst family in town.

  Marge : Maybe we should move to a larger community.

• Homer : When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. Hehehe. They're on TV!

• [Greeting the Simpsons at the company picnic, Burns reads from a card] 

  Mr. Burns : And this must be, uh... Brat.

  Bart : Bart.

  Homer : Don't correct the man, Brat.

• Homer : Okay, now look. My boss is going to be at this picnic, so I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.

  Lisa : Tough choice.

  Bart : I'm picking respect.

• Barney Gumble : Don't blame yourself, Homer. You've got crummy little kids that nobody can control.

  Homer : You can't talk that way about my kids! Well, at least two of them, anyway.

  Barney Gumble : Why? Have you got two I haven't met?

  Homer : [angrily]  Why you! Here's FIVE you haven't met!

  [punches Barney off his stool] 

• Homer : [while chasing Bart and Lisa at the Power plant's family picnic]  Be normal! Be normal!

• Bart : Hey, check out this house! It's a dump!

  Homer : [chuckles]  Yeah, and can you believe I stepped on the owner's garden bushes!

  Marge : Homer, this is our house!

  Homer : D'oh!

• Homer : You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment," and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.

• Homer : To save this family, we're gonna have to make the supreme sacrifice.

  Lisa : No, Dad, *please* don't pawn the TV.

  Bart : Aw, come on, Dad, anything but that.

  Marge : Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?

  Homer : Now, I appreciate that, Honey, but we need $150 here.

• Homer : We've got to do better as a family. So, tonight, we're not going to shovel food in our mouths while we stare at the TV. We're going to eat at the dining room table like a normal family.

  Lisa : [they all sit down at the table]  Happy Dad?

  Homer : Yes.

  Lisa : Good. Commence shoveling.

  [they start eating like pigs] 

  Homer : No, we're going to say grace first.

  Bart : OK. Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

  [they all proceed to eat like pigs again] 

  Homer : No. Ignore the boy, Lord. Now can the chatter and bow your heads.

  Homer : [he clears his throat to pray]  Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions - pardon my French - but they act like savages. Did you see them at the picnic? Oh, of course you did. You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.

• Homer : [Trying to pawn TV]  Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola?

  Pawnbroker : Is it cable ready?

  Homer : Ready as she'll ever be!

• Bart : Yeah?

  [shoving Lisa] 

  Lisa : Yeah?

  [shoving Bart] 

  Bart : Yeah?

  [shoving Lisa] 

  Lisa : Yeah?

  [shoving Bart] 

  Bart : Oh, yeah?

  [shoving Lisa] 

  Lisa : Yeah!

  [shoving Bart] 

  Homer : Hey! What's the problem here?

  [picking them both up] 

  Lisa : We were fighting over which one of us loves you more.

  Homer : You were? Ahhh. Well, go ahead.

  [puts them down] 

  Bart : You love him more!

  [shoving Lisa] 

  Lisa : No, you do!

  [shoving Bart] 

  Bart : No I don't!

  [shoving Lisa] 

  Lisa : Yes you do!

  [shoving Bart] 

• Homer : Now remember: as far as anyone's knows, we're a nice normal family.

• Homer : Look at that, kids - no fighting, no yelling.

  Bart : No belching.

  Lisa : The dad has his shirt on.

  Marge : Look, napkins!

  Bart : These people are obviously freaks.

• Homer : D'oh!

  Bart : Don't have a cow, dad.

• Dr. Marvin Monroe : You are wired into the rest of your family. You have the ability to shock them, and they have the ability to shock...

  [buzz] 

  Homer : AH!

  Bart : Just testing.

  Homer : Why you!

• Homer : [at the company picnic held at Mr Burns' mansion]  Oh, boss, look what we brought.

  [holds up a jello mould] 

  Homer : Gelatin desserts!

  Mr. Burns : Oh, for the love of Peter! That's what everybody brought. Some damn fool

  [Homer] 

  Mr. Burns : went around telling everyone I love that slimy goop.

  [Burns motions at a whole collection of jello moulds] 

  Mr. Burns : Well, toss it in the pile over there, and

  [grudgingly] 

  Mr. Burns : make yourselves at home.

• Homer : [Homer hands the cashier $250]  Here it is, $250... I'm holding the money right here.

  [Homer looks sad] 

  Lisa : If you wanna impress her, show her the big empty space where the TV used to be.

  Homer : Lisa!

• Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns is greeting Homer at the door]  Make yourself at home.

  Homer : Did you hear that, Dad?... You can walk around in your underwear and scratch yourself.

  Homer : [Grabs Bart by the neck]  Now you listen to me!

  Mr. Burns : Problem, Simpson?

  Homer : [Petting Bart's hair]  Oh no... Just congratulating the boy on another good joke.

• Dr. Marvin Monroe : [Homer was just shocked by Bart]  Homer, this is what I call aversion therapy... When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all... And won't that be wonderful, Homer?

  Homer : Oh, yes Doctor.

  [Homer shocks Bart] 

• Dr. Marvin Monroe : Stop! Stop, you're damaging the equipment!

  [pulls the plug out of the wall] 

  Bart : Hey, nice hair, mom.

  Marge : Gee, I thought we were making real progress.

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : No! I'm sorry, you're not! Please, you just got to go!

  Homer : Wait a minute, Doc, you're TV commercial said family bliss, or double our money back!

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : Hoho, but that was just... All right.

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : [to his receptionist] 

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : Get the money...

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : [Paying money out to Homer] 

  Dr. Marvin Monroe : 20,40,60 80, 100... 20,40,60,80,200... 20,40,60,80,300... 20,40,60,80,400... 20,40,60,80,500! Here - just go! And never tell anyone you were here!

• Lisa : [When the family learns of Homer's plan to send them to therapy]  You're sending us to a doctor that advertises on pro wrestling?

  Homer : Boxing Lisa, boxing... There's a world of difference.

• Lisa : [Homer announces that he has made an appointment with Dr. Marvin Monroe for the family]  You're takeing us to a doctor that advertises on pro wrestling?

  Homer : Boxing, Lisa, boxing... There's a world of difference.