Yes Minister (TV Series)

The Writing on the Wall (1980)

Derek Fowlds: Bernard Woolley

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  James Hacker : I'm still not happy with this report, Humphrey.

  Sir Humphrey Appleby : Then, Minister, we shall be happy to redraft it for you.

  James Hacker : You've redrafted it three times already.

  Bernard Woolley : That's not absolutely correct, Minister.

  James Hacker : Yes it is, Bernard. I *can* count. This is the third draft report.

  Bernard Woolley : Yes, quite so, Minister. Therefore, it's been drafted once and subsequently redrafted twice.

  James Hacker : Don't quibble, Bernard.

  Sir Humphrey Appleby : But we shall be happy to redraft it a third time.

  James Hacker : And a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, no doubt; and it still won't say what I want it to say; it will say what you want it to say and I want it to say what I want it to say.

  Bernard Woolley : What do you want it to say, Minister?

  Sir Humphrey Appleby : We want it to say what you want it to say, Minister.

  Bernard Woolley : I'm sure the Department doesn't want you to say anyting you don't want to say.

  James Hacker : Stop wittering!

• [last lines] 

  Bernard Woolley : Can Daniel Hughes really fix this? I mean, don't Prime Ministers have minds of their own?

  James Hacker : Oh, certainly. But as President Nixon's henchman once said, when you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Right, Humphrey?

  Sir Humphrey Appleby : Yes, Minister.