Wings (TV Series)

The Customer's Usually Right (1992)

Crystal Bernard: Helen Chapel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Helen Chapel : [Helen brings out a gingerbread house]  Hey Brian, look what I made for our Christmas Eve!

  Brian Michael Hackett : Helen, why do you always do this? Every year you make a gorgeous gingerbread house, and every year you won't let us eat it.

  Helen Chapel : Well, 'cause it's so cute.

  Brian Michael Hackett : Let me just have a little taste.

  Helen Chapel : No.

  Brian Michael Hackett : C'mon, c'mon. I'll chew you a skylight.

  Helen Chapel : No. You know how the tradition works. Every Christmas Eve, we go to my place, we have a nice dinner, we watch videos. And then after you and Joe leave, I realize another year's gone by and I'm still alone, and that's when Hurricane Helen comes and sucks the roof off this baby.

  Brian Michael Hackett : Must've had a real bad year. I see you've added a second story.

• Helen Chapel : So what'd you get? "Miracle on 34th Street"?

  Joe Montgomery Hackett : No no, they were all out. Even the David Hartman version.

  [Joe shows her the tape he rented] 

  Helen Chapel : "PSYCHO"?

  Brian Michael Hackett : That's more of a Mother's Day film, isn't it?

• Helen Chapel : Oh, what's Joe talking about? There's plenty of good movies here. Here's one: "Trading Places".

  Brian Michael Hackett : Oh hey, perfect. Yeah, comedy, Christmas-themed, just the right amount of nudity.

  Helen Chapel : Brian, there's no nudity in this film.

  Brian Michael Hackett : Excuse me, approximately 45 minutes in, Jamie Lee Curtis takes her top off.

  Helen Chapel : Not tonight she doesn't. Oh you know, I wouldn't mind seeing this one again: "Kramer vs. Kramer". You know, it's family, it's loving, it's...

  Brian Michael Hackett : JoBeth Williams naked in the hallway?

  Helen Chapel : Is that all you remember from a film? Who's naked?

  Brian Michael Hackett : Ah, some people go out humming a theme song. I'm more of a nudity savant. C'mon test me, test me.

  [Helen holds up "Working Girl"] 

  Brian Michael Hackett : Ah, that is... Melanie Griffith vacuuming topless 73 minutes in.

  [Helen holds up "About Last Night"] 

  Brian Michael Hackett : Okay, Demi Moore, kitchen scene, backlit by the refrigerator light.

  [Helen holds up "Deliverance"] 

  Brian Michael Hackett : Ned Beatty scrambling up the hillside... Wow, talk about a mood breaker.

• Helen Chapel : [to Joe]  Let's just try to have a nice evening.

  Brian Michael Hackett : [to Joe]  Yeah, the way we do every year. You'll eat too much, I'll drink too much, we'll lie on the floor, we'll loosen our pants...

  Helen Chapel : I'll be disgusted...

  Brian Michael Hackett : Right! It's Christmas!

• Antonio Scarpacci : Buon Natale, everybody.

  Helen Chapel : Merry Christmas, Antonio. Where you off to?

  Antonio Scarpacci : To Boston, to share a Christmas Eve dinner with my cousin Giacomo.

  Helen Chapel : Oh, that sounds lovely.

  Antonio Scarpacci : Oh yes. It will be just like when we were boys in Italy. First, we decorate the tree, then Giacomo puts the baby Jesus in his grotto below.

  Helen Chapel : Right.

  Antonio Scarpacci : Then for dinner, I will carve the traditional Christmas eel.

  Helen Chapel : Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a second. Christmas eel?

  Antonio Scarpacci : Yes. When I was a child, we would buy the eel months before, and keep him in the tub. Then we would feed him and nurture him and love him. There is nothing quite so special as the relationship between a boy and his eel.

  Helen Chapel : Silly me, I just had a Barbie doll.