Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV Series)

Show No. 418 (2001)

Colin Mochrie: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Colin Mochrie : [in "Greatest Hits"]  What would Destiny's Child be, do you think? Oh well, forget it.

  Ryan Stiles : Hmm, I think it would be Rip Torn.

  [audience laughs] 

  Ryan Stiles : I don't know why, I just think it would be!

  Colin Mochrie : Sometimes, I just wonder why I talk to you.

  Ryan Stiles : 'Cause if you didn't, you wouldn't be talking to anyone.

  Colin Mochrie : That's right. I'd still get better answers.

• Wayne Brady : [in "Press Conference", Colin's quirk is "Tin Man announcing he and Dorothy have just had a child"]  What do you think about the public's, uh, reaction to this news?

  Colin Mochrie : I say screw the public. If they can't handle this, then I can't handle it.

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Greatest Hits"]  What comes to mind when I say kielbasa and accordions?

  Colin Mochrie : Broccoli.

  [audience laughs] 

  Colin Mochrie : And enough gas to light a small country!

• Colin Mochrie : [in "Greatest Hits"]  Now I'm happy! You know why?

  Ryan Stiles : Huh?

  Colin Mochrie : 'Cause I'm thinkin' metal.

  Ryan Stiles : Ooh.

  [knocks on Colin's head] 

  Ryan Stiles : King, king.

  Colin Mochrie : Nothin' better than the "king king" sound of metal.

  Ryan Stiles : Oh, you're talkin' HEAVY metal.

  Colin Mochrie : I'm just talkin' metal. It could be heavy, it could be light. It could be aluminum, it could be lead. Is lead a metal? I don't know. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. You know...

  Ryan Stiles : Hey, you just rapped there. Did you know that?

  Colin Mochrie : I TOLD you: I'm a child of the streets!

  [crosses his arms; Ryan does the same] 

  Colin Mochrie : But I also have a soft spot in my heart for metal. And when I hear this metal tune, my heart starts poppin' like a two bit...

  [audience laughs] 

  Colin Mochrie : bit. And of course, I'm talking about "Shut Those Kids Up, I'm Trying to Sleep".

• Greg Proops : [in "World's Worst", about instructional videos] 

  [impersonating Bill Clinton] 

  Greg Proops : Hi. I used to be president. Some of you might have trouble meetin' the ladies.

  Drew Carey : I'm Richard Simmons, and I'm gonna show YOU how to pick up girls!

  [walks backwards and almost loses his footing] 

  Colin Mochrie : To clap, raise one hand, then the other, keeping them an equi-distance apart. Then, force them together at a speed which makes this sound:

  [claps] 

  Colin Mochrie : Repeat.

  [claps] 

  Colin Mochrie : Repeat.

  Greg Proops : [in surfer accent]  Hello, dudes and dudettes, and welcome to "How to Deliver a Pizza".

  Colin Mochrie : Welcome to "Dogs Have Prostates, Too".

  Ryan Stiles : Take the magazine in your hand. Lower your pants, and sit. Now read.

  [mimes reading] 

  Ryan Stiles : Once again...

  [Wayne buzzes him out] 

  Greg Proops : How would YOU like to be an exotic dancer?

  [shakes his hips] 

  Greg Proops : [both Drew and Colin step forward at the same time; Wayne buzzes both out before they say anything. Greg steps forward with another joke, lying down]  Hello, and welcome to "Drinking for Professionals".

  Ryan Stiles : Hi, I'm Drew Carey. Today, we're gonna learn how to walk backwards. Look behind you. Look behind you while you're walking. There's a stair. Lift your foot onto the stair, pushing yourself up onto the stair.

  Drew Carey : Hi, I'm Ryan Stiles. Welcome to my lovemaking secrets tape.

  [mimes smoking] 

  Drew Carey : This tape will end in sixty seconds.

  Ryan Stiles : I wish!

  Colin Mochrie : Oh, those frustrating banana peels! How do you get them off the banana? Hold the banana firmly in one hand...

  [Wayne buzzes him out; Colin steps forward again] 

  Colin Mochrie : Oh, those frustrating gerbil skins!

  Greg Proops : Hi, I'm Bill from the NRA, and it's gun safety week-

  [mimes accidentally shooting himself in the head, falling to the floor] 

  Ryan Stiles : [walks forward and looks silently to the left]  Ten more minutes, we can put on a second coat.

  [demonstrates "how to walk backward" again; Drew leaves his spot to playfully push Ryan] 

  Greg Proops : [acting hung over]  Ugh. Good morning.

  [coughs] 

  Greg Proops : Welcome to "How to be a Scoutmaster". Now...

  [pause; Wayne buzzes] 

  Greg Proops : [amused]  That's where the buzzer goes.

  Drew Carey : Hi, Scouts. Welcome to "Anyone Can Masturbate".