- Representative Matthew Santos: Good Evening. I'm running for President. And if you don't know who I am, I wouldn't be surprised. I've been shut out of tomorrow night's debate for suggesting that it actually *be* a debate, and this is the only ad I can afford. I got in this to improve a broken school system; to fix entitlements, 'cause they're going bankrupt; to expand health coverage, 'cause it'll save money if fewer people show up in emergency rooms. What I've found is that Presidential campaigns aren't about these things. They're about clawing your opponent's eyes out, so long as you don't get tagged for it. So how 'bout this - I will never say anything about my opponents, or anything about anything - without saying it myself, right into the camera. You might not get to hear much of me but when you do, you'll know I stand by it. I'm Matt Santos. And you better believe I approved this ad.
- C.J. Cregg: [to Josh on the phone regarding Donna] Didn't you teach her not to engage with a chicken?
- Josh Lyman: How about our exclusion from the debates. Let's try that.
- Ned: So, what do we do? Film chicken coops and say they're too chicken to debate us?
- Josh Lyman: I want two volunteers. I want them in giant chicken suits. I want them in my office first thing in the morning.
- Josh Lyman: The truth is, I can't think of a single thing I've done to make this *your* campaign, and not some cookie-cutter Beltway hack-a-thon.
- Representative Matthew Santos: *I* can think of one: You put me in it.