- Charlie Wooster: Hey, Mister Chris, you couldn't hold off this dance until my gout gets better, could you?
- Christopher Hale: No, I couldn't. You can sit out there and do the calling. You're a menace on the floor anyway.
- Barnaby West: What you got there, Charlie?
- Charlie Wooster: My wishing book. For rainy days. Ain't you got one?
- Barnaby West: No.
- Charlie Wooster: Everybody should have a wishing book.
- Barnaby West: How does it work?
- Charlie Wooster: Well, right now, I'm wishing for my gout to get better. You can wish for anything. Here's a dandy. Listen to here. Clean your own teeth kit. Complete dental outfit. Pearl fillings and all that. Instructions too.
- Barnaby West: You got a toothache?
- Charlie Wooster: Get one too. A shaving stick, I can almost smell that, can't you?
- Barnaby West: Well, you're not gonna shave, are you?
- Charlie Wooster: And here's a dandy. A potato masher.Every housewife should have one, it says. It's a must.
- Duke Shannon: Let me see that.
- Charlie Wooster: Gimme my book
- Duke Shannon: Well, this is a ladies' magazine.
- Mac McLeod: I told you we was the same kind.
- Harry Diel: So you did.
- Mac McLeod: Well, is it a deal, Mr Diel?
- Eve Diel: Well, he says that the people on this train will be his most important customers out West because they will be his first ones. He says that any chance for him to get to know them and for them to get to know him is for the best. And he says that goodwill is what makes a good businessman and that without goodwill, a businessman is as good as dead.
- Harry Diel: Does Ben say that?
- Eve Diel: Why are you smiling like that?
- Harry Diel: Oh, don't frown, don't drink, don't smile.
- Eve Diel: Harry, answer me.
- Harry Diel: [He takes her in his arms and gives her a long smooch] Does that answer you?
- Eve Diel: You never answer me.
- Mr. Jenks: Hey, Diel, what battle did you get this medal for?
- Harry Diel: Battle of the Wilderness.
- Mr. Jenks: What'd you do? Kill yourself a regiment?
- Harry Diel: Not quite. More like a platoon.
- Cooper Smith: Which battle of the Wilderness?
- Harry Diel: Seconds.
- Cooper Smith: Where in the Second?
- Harry Diel: Plank Road. Know it?