- Tiffany Malloy: [after the dead girl got taken away] Ryan, what just happened?
- Ryan Malloy: [disgruntled] Nothing. Damn paramedics came.
- Tiffany Malloy: Guh! A lovely thought for we, the living.
- Barbara Caufield: You'll never guess what I just heard.
- Barbara Caufield: "Get out before my wife comes home"?
- [raises eyebrows]
- Barbara Caufield: My goodness, aren't we on a roll today?
- Tiffany Malloy: Daddy...
- [cutely cocks head]
- Tiffany Malloy: Daddy, can I talk to you?
- Jack Malloy: Why, of course, sweetheart. Let me just get some of this junk off the couch.
- [sweeps Ryan and Ross away]
- Tiffany Malloy: Our idiot teachers are all getting fired, and all our grades are meaningless. By the time I get to Harvard, even the 90210 kids will have graduated. Daddy, my teachers have let me down.
- Jack Malloy: What a shock. Since when did any teacher ever get anything right? You know, my teachers never did *squat* for me. They left me on my own to learn *six* secrets to coping with adversity.
- [grabs six-pack and plods back off to basement]