- Ryan Malloy: [reading a noted that says, "I know what you did in 1988"] They know what I did a hundred years ago?
- [there is a note on the fridge]
- Tiffany Malloy: Hey, Ryan, what does that thing say?
- Ryan Malloy: [looks back at the fridge] Arr! Arr! I'm a refrigerator, I'm big and cold!
- Barbara Caufield: [to Ryan] Tiffany told me you were getting death threats. That is so cool. Do you think there's any possible way you'll be killed before tomorrow? The school paper comes out and I would *love* to scoop the big guns. I have the headline ready. "Guy with no life loses life."
- Tiffany Malloy: I think they're saving that title for the Jan Michael Vincent story.
- Barbara Caufield: [to Ryan] C'mon, gimme a quote for the school paper.
- [sighs]
- Barbara Caufield: What are the last words you wanna leave behind for the world?
- Ryan Malloy: Are you wearing any underwear?
- Barbara Caufield: That's your last thought?
- Ryan Malloy: Uh. That's the only thought I have. Grant a dying man his final wish.
- Barbara Caufield: Well... just how sick is that wish going to be?
- Ryan Malloy: Well, that depends entirely on your definition of the word 'is'.