Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls (2004)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Charlie Harper : Hey, did you know that Mom's birthday was a couple of weeks ago?
Alan : Yeah. I sent her some flowers and a card.
Charlie Harper : Ah, man! Would it have killed you to put my name on the card?
Alan : As a matter of fact, I did put your name on it. I... I wrote, "Love, your sons, Alan and Charlie".
Charlie Harper : Damn.
Alan : What?
Charlie Harper : She tricked me into thinking I forgot!
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Dr. Melnick : [Alan is returning the "The Harpers" welcome mat that he stole the night before] So, you came over unannounced, to apologize for coming over unannounced?
Alan : I was afraid you'd pick up on that.
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Charlie Harper : So, where's Jake?
Alan : Sleeping at a friend's. He'll get dropped off tomorrow.
Charlie Harper : Oh, man! I rented a movie I thought he'd like.
Alan : Oh? What'd you get?
Charlie Harper : Don't worry. It's educational.
Alan : [Charlie gives Alan the DVD] "One Million Years B.C."? How... How is this educational?
Charlie Harper : Raquel Welch running from dinosaurs in a fur bikini? What is that, if not history?
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Alan : So, you ever been married?
Dr. Melnick : My wife passed away.
Alan : Oh... Oh! I'm... I'm sorry.
Alan : [pause] No alimony, though. You gotta love that!
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Alan : Show me the better!