- McNulty: [early draft; later revised] Say, uhm... You wouldn't be interested in having dinner, would ya?
- Secretary: If the world as we know it was about to end, if you were its most prominent restauranteur, and if I weren't very happily married already, I *might* be. But it isn't, you aren't, and I am; so *drift*, McNulty.
- Secretary: What's the suggestion this time, McNulty? If you haven't got one, I've got one for you: Why don't you... jump off... a bridge!
- Narrator: [opening narration, early draft; later shortened] Submitted for your approval, or at least your analysis: one Patrick Thomas McNulty... who, at age forty-one, is the biggest bore on Earth. He holds a ten-year record for the greatest number of the most meaningless words ever spewed out during a coffee break. And it's very likely that, as of this moment, he would have gone through life in precisely this manner: a long-winded and self-centered know-it-all whose sole significant, if hardly marketable, talent is for setting the art of conversation back a thousand years... give or take a century. I say he very likely would have, except for something that will soon happen to him... something that will considerably alter his existence, and ours. You think about that now, because this is The Twilight Zone.
- McNulty: Wouldn't you think that, after one whoe year of putting ideas in that suggestion box, I'd get noticed?
- Joe: Let me tell you something, McNulty: Getting noticed and getting liked are two different things.
- McNulty: Ah, what do you know?
- Joe: Nothing, McNulty. Not a thing.
- Daniel: [leaving] Good night, Joe.
- Joe: Daniel, wait...! All I do know is that every night, of every week, of every month - except Election Day - you come in here and drive everybody out of their skulls by walking on your lower lip. You think about that now, will you? Would you think about that?
- Joe: [to McNulty, after all the other patrons have departed en masse] ... You drive more people out of saloons than Carry Nation. Here's your beer... Drink it fast; the combination of my business recession, this muggy weather and you is more than I can take in one evening!
- Narrator: [Closing Narration] Mr. Patrick Thomas McNulty, who had a gift of time. He used it and he misused it, and now he's just been handed the bill. Tonight's tale of motion and McNulty - in the Twilight Zone.
- Secretary: [in response to McNulty's story about his magic stopwatch] Why don't you go to the devil and pester him, McNulty? Either that, or get to the point already... Stops *everything*, does it? That's the most amazing tale I've ever heard! Now go hang yourself, will you?
- Charlie: ...Joe, let me tell you something: There's an 8-inch TV set in my sister's apartment; it dates back to 1947. She's got five kids, the apartment's a six-floor walk-up, and it's BOILING HOT! But there's one thing about that apartment which still gives it the edge on your joint here: *The apartment ain't got McNulty*!
- Joe: Done for the night, McNulty? Everybody's gone, you happy? You bored ten people to death. You emptied my place like it had a smallpox sign out there. Do me a favor, will you, McNulty? Whenever you get the thirst, go to some other bar.
- [drops the beer glass he was holding]
- McNulty: [presses the button of a stopwatch he was given by another man who left the bar] I don't feel much like going home. I've seen the movie on the late show. I've even seen the movie on the late late show. Sometimes I even wished I was married. Do you ever get that feeling...
- [turns to see that Joe is frozen in place]
- McNulty: Joe? Joe. Hey, why you standing that way? Joe? Hey, Joe, say something. You look like you were frozen. All I was doing was telling you how bored I was. And this crazy gleep gave me this watch, and I sat here and I pressed it.
- [presses the button again, and Joe starts moving normally]
- Joe: And that's another thing, McNulty. You make me nervous. First, you come in here, you bore people to death, and then you make me nervous.
- McNulty: I make you nervous?
- Joe: You know, something, McNulty? You're the one guy that makes me wish they never repealed prohibition.
- [McNulty presses the watch button, and Joe freezes in place. McNulty walks up behind Joe]
- McNulty: Something tells me this is a very unusual watch.
- [presses the button and Joe starts moving normally again]
- Joe: And another thing, McNulty... McNulty?
- McNulty: I'm over here.
- [Joe looks in shock to see McNulty standing behind him. McNulty leaves the bar]