- Carnac the Magnificent: [holding envelope to forehead] Two for the road.
- Ed McMahon: Two for the road.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [opens envelope and reads] "Question: How many Chryslers have been sold this year?"
- Carnac the Magnificent: [holding envelope to forehead] Dead end.
- Ed McMahon: Dead end.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [opens envelope and reads] "What does a dentist get if he backs into a novocaine needle?"
- Lily Tomlin: Nothing in my act is gratuitous, in that sense. You know, it's really, uh, elevated and tasteful.
- Johnny Carson: Body parts - no, body parts can be tasteful, and elevated.
- Johnny Carson: [as audience starts to laugh and applaud] ... Hold it, hold it. You see, now that... That is *your* joke, and you're responsible for that.