- Stanley Roper: You know, Helen, one of these days you're gonna make me come after you.
- Helen Roper: God knows I've tried.
- Chrissy Snow: [reading newspaper] It's happening again!
- Janet Wood: What?
- Jack Tripper: What?
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, I have been reading the funeral notices all week. It is so interesting! Everybody dies in alphabetical order.
- Jack Tripper: [to filmmaker Chrissy] Stop following me!
- Chrissy Snow: [as Jack retreats into bathroom] That's terrific! Okay now, come here. Do something natural!
- Jack Tripper: [forced nice voice] I'm about to. And you're not going to take pictures.
- Chrissy Snow: That was great. Tomorrow I'll put some film in the camera.
- [Janet tries to strangle her]
- Jack Tripper: [to Janet, on whom he walked in while she was taking a bath, and who chased him out] You need more bubbles!
- Stanley Roper: [re Playhouse magazine] I don't see any... Ferrari.
- Helen Roper: It's right there, next to the girl with the big...
- Stanley Roper: Ohh! Nice... uh, hubcaps.
- Helen Roper: Stanley, tell me something. Why do you have to... look at pictures like that when you got me around?
- Stanley Roper: You know, all day long, people have been asking me stupid questions.
- Stanley Roper: [naughty movie about to be screened] Wait a minute, wait a minute. You girls aren't staying, are you?
- Janet Wood: Well, sure.
- Stanley Roper: But I didn't think you'd be interested in this sort of thing.
- Chrissy Snow: Of course she's interested. She's in it.
- Stanley Roper: She is?
- Janet Wood: Yeah, yeah. And so is Jack and Chrissy.
- Stanley Roper: You're all in it?