- Steven Hyde: [Eric asks Hyde and Fez for advice after Donna walks in on him while he is masturbating in her bathroom] In her house? Why don't you just do it at the bus station, like the other degenerates?
- Eric: [they talk it over, then Eric gets serious] You guys, what do I do now?
- Steven Hyde: I say you gotta pull a Nixon: deny, deny, deny.
- Fez: No, you just need a good story. Whenever I get caught, I just tell people that I'm checking for ticks.
- Steven Hyde: Fez, how many times you been caught?
- Fez: Oh, come on! I'm not stopping just because a doorknob turns!
- Eric: Isn't the bikini a marvelous invention? Imagine the first Aztec who said, "I've just got to see some more belly-button", you know? Yeah, the Mexicans are such resourceful people.
- Jackie Burkhart: Eric, don't be so stupid. Everyone knows the French invented the bikini. The Mexicans just added on the top because they're Catholic.
- Eric: Another good example of religion dividing instead of uniting. And, FYI, if God wanted Mexican women to wear tops, he wouldn't have created tequila.