- Cody Martin: [after dyeing his hair, which turned out to be very red] Oh, no! The box said it was supposed to be a honey-mist auburn!
- Zack Martin: Well, honey, you missed auburn big time!
- Maddie: How would you feel if people were spreading rumors about you?
- London: Hey, every time I'm in the paper, my social life just gets better and better.
- Maddie: Yeah? Well, my social life is going down the tubes because Chuck heard your lie and dumped me!
- London: Oh, honey. I heard a rumor he was gonna dump you anyway.
- [Maddie gasps]
- London: Good. And when you find him, I want him thrown in the Tipton dungeon for the rest of his life.
- Mr. Moseby: We don't have a dungeon. But I can have him fired.
- London: From a cannon?
- Mr. Moseby: Oh!
- Mr. Moseby: I know it was one of you and since I don't know which one, the game room is off limits to the both of you. It feels good to be the manager.
- Zack Martin: Way to go, Little Red Riding Nerd.
- Cody Martin: At least when I go away it won't be in handcuffs.
- Zack Martin: That's right. I'm Cody, the smart one!
- Cody Martin: And I'm Zack, the dumb one. Dopey, dopey, do.
- Zack Martin: Don't push it.
- Zack Martin: Oh, that's easy. President Carter.
- Mr. Johnson: Why?
- Zack Martin: Why? Well, uh... he, uh, hammers! Nails things! Nails things... He, uh, uh, builds--builds houses! Builds houses for... He builds houses for nuns! HE builds houses for nuns. Builds houses for old people? Cold people! Builds houses for cold people. Uh... poor people! Builds houses for poor people! Yes, and I believe everyone should have a place to live where they could watch tv to see commercials for stuff to buy which helps the economy. What?
- Mr. Johnson: Is there someone back there?
- Zack Martin: No. Just that plant. I love plants. I'm very pro-plant.
- Cody Martin: [sees the man for the Weekend Washington is here; hurries to Zack and pulls him away from Maddie.] Zack! The guy from the Weekend Washington is here! He's here to interview me and I can't be me because I don't look like me, I'm supposed to look like you since you look like me you've gotta be me!
- Zack Martin: I can't help you.
- Cody Martin: Why?
- Zack Martin: 'Cause I have no idea what you've just said.