Tony Shalhoub: Ian Stark

Quotes 

• Henry McNeeley : It doesn't have to be a pick-up thing. You just go up to her and say, "Hi, my name is Ian. I'm a best-selling author..."

  Ian Stark : "I'm so lonely and desperate that I talk to strangers in restaurants and hopefully your life is bad enough to welcome this kind of weirdness, so how 'bout we get together and disappoint each other?"

• Ian Stark : No, I'm not gonna write her a letter. I might as well walk around with a sandwich board that says "I'm pathetic."

  Tess Farraday : Or you could have Maddie write it, then people will think you're "patriotic."

• Jake Donovan : I've lived in your apartment for two years, I've never seen you like this. I heard you singing in the shower this morning.

  Ian Stark : That was the pipes.

  Jake Donovan : The pipes don't sing "You Light Up My Life."

  Ian Stark : Look, I was willing to believe "the television" ordered fifty dollars worth of porn, so drop it!