- Patrick: I've been thinking. At first a handshake doesn't seem like much, but really it's the thought that counts...
- [Fran walks up with a heart-shaped box of chocolates in her arms]
- Fran: Hey SpongeBob, I just wanted to thank you for this box of chocolates.
- SpongeBob: Uh, no problem Fran.
- Patrick: And even though I was expecting more...
- [Dave walks up with roses]
- Dave: Thanks for the roses, SpongeBob. Happy Valentine's Day!
- SpongeBob: You too, Dave.
- Patrick: And not that it matters that we've been friends for so long...
- [female fish walks up with a bike]
- Female Fish: Hey SpongeBob, thanks for the bike!
- [to Patrick]
- Female Fish: Can you believe this guy? I just met him this morning!
- Patrick: [getting angry, through clenched teeth] So, as I was saying...
- Male Fish: Excuse me; do you guys have the time?
- Patrick: [snaps, screams and throws the fish] Patrick needs love, too-hoo-hoooo!
- Squidward: Take it, Spongebob! Take it, please! And promise me no matter how much I may beg, and plead, and cry, don't give me that paper back. Ever!
- Squidward: Okay, SpongeBob, I bet you can't play music on a piece of paper.
- [plays on his clarinet]
- SpongeBob: [he claps] Hurray! That was great, Squidward! All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
- Squidward: I didn't play any wrong notes.
- [plays again]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, see, you're playing it like this...
- [plays like Squidward with the paper]
- SpongeBob: when ordinarily it goes like this.
- [plays it right]
- SpongeBob: [stops playing] I'm partial to playing in the key of A minor myself.
- [a huge piece of music appears in the background]
- Sandy Cheeks: Yee-haw! Get along, little shellfish! Gallop, you scallops!
- [Lands the balloon right behind Patrick; SpongeBob is relieved]
- SpongeBob: Yeah! Sandy's here! Woo-hoo! Look, Patrick, it's here! It's here! The best Valentine in the whole wide world is right behind you!
- Patrick: [ignores him] Sure it is.
- SpongeBob: [jumping up and down] I'm telling you! It's right there! TURN AROUND!
- Patrick: Uh-uh.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, just turn around!
- [the crowd shouts at Patrick and SpongeBob is sad]
- Crowd: Turn around! You nincompoop! Why you!
- Patrick: You must think I'm pretty dumb, huh?
- Crowd: YES! TURN AROUND!
- Patrick: No!
- Crowd: [chanting] TURN-A-ROUND! TURN-A-ROUND!
- Patrick: Nuh-uh! I'm gonna say this once and I'm not going to say it again, so pay attention! I am not, I repeat, not going to turn around for any reason, *ever!*
- Sandy Cheeks: Howdy, Patrick!
- Patrick: [turns around] Hi, Sandy!
- [He sees the chocolate balloon and is reduced to surprised gibberish]
- SpongeBob: Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick!
- Patrick: Yay! My valentine!
- [jumps on it]
- Patrick: Hey, is this solid chocolate?
- SpongeBob: Patrick, NO!
- [Patrick bites into the balloon and chocolate explodes all over the carnival]
- Patrick: Aw, SpongeBob... you didn't have to get me anything.
- Sandy Cheeks: Happy Valentine's Day, SpongeBob. I'm nuts for you.
- SpongeBob: Well, I'm bubbles for you, Sandy!
- Sandy Cheeks: Take me through the plan again.
- SpongeBob: Okay! Step 1...
- [deep voice]
- SpongeBob: Patrick and I get to the Valentine's Day carnival.
- [normal voice]
- SpongeBob: Step 2...
- [deep voice]
- SpongeBob: I position Patrick and myself on top of the Ferris wheel.
- [normal voice]
- SpongeBob: Step 3...
- [deep voice]
- SpongeBob: You arrive at designated checkpoint for maximum visual contact.
- [normal voice]
- SpongeBob: Step 4...
- [deep voice]
- SpongeBob: Patrick is thrilled. Mission accomplished.
- Patrick: Patrick needs love too! I defy you Heart-Man!
- [Rips costume off of Valentine Fair's mascot]
- Patrick: Big Heart on Stick must Die!
- [Starts gnawing on the whirly-ride's pole with a heart atop it. It doesn't work]
- Patrick: Little heart on stick must die!
- [Snaps the stick of someone's heart-shaped candy. SpongeBob hides behind the crowd]
- Patrick: Bring me SpongeBob!
- [Crowd gladly hurls SpongeBob at Patrick's feet]