The Sopranos (TV Series)

Toodle-Fucking-Oo (2000)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tony Soprano : [to Christopher as he walks up to their table in front of Satriale's, referring to their predetermined time to meet]  Hey, I said four o'clock.

  Christopher Moltisanti : The fuck? I leave before the stock market closes, you yell at me for not watching the phone guys.

  Tony Soprano : [to Christopher as he gestures to Richie]  Meet Richie Aprile.

  Christopher Moltisanti : [to Richie]  Jesus Christ, how're you doing? Your brother was like a fucking god, great leader! I also heard a lot about you.

  Richie Aprile : Yeah, and I heard a lot about you. That's why I'm here.

  Christopher Moltisanti : What do you mean?

  Richie Aprile : [referring to Tony]  Out of respect for our "friend" here, I'm gonna talk nice. You ever raise your hand to my niece again, next time you won't see my face. You understand?

  Christopher Moltisanti : Who told you I put my hand on her?

  Richie Aprile : [to Tony]  is this kid getting jerky with me?

  Tony Soprano : [Tony Soprano shakes his head] 

  Richie Aprile : Look kid, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I'm from the "old-school". You wanna raise your hand, you give her your last name. Then it's none of my fuckin' business. Until then, keep your hands in your pockets. We understand each other? Now get outta here, I wanna talk to Tony.

  Tony Soprano : [to Christopher, after Christopher and Richie shake hands]  Go ahead.

• Carmela Soprano : Fine, I'm not gonna argue with you Tony. If you want her to leave then you're gonna have to tell her cause I'm not. It's not Christian.

  Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Well see this shit works out, she's a Buddhist.

• Carmela Soprano : [referring to Meadow's punishment, while lying in bed]  There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?

  Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : Typical?

• Tony Soprano : [angered, meeting inside a mall]  I thought I told you to back the fuck off Beansie!

  Richie Aprile : I did, then I put it in drive.

  Tony Soprano : Oh, you think this is funny? That guy may never walk again, did you know that? And for what? 'Cause he didn't duke you enough? 'Cause he didn't visit you in the can? When was the last time you visited anybody in the can Richie? When was the last time you gave a fuck about anybody but Richie Aprile?

  Tony Soprano : Well, you remember one thing, this you'd better hear! You want a talk of this old school bullshit about the rules? Well, here's a rule you might remember. I'm the motherfuckin' fuckin' one who calls the shots! And you better pay me the respect that I gave your brother. Or we're gonna have a problem... a bad one.

  Tony Soprano : Now get the fuck out of here!

  Richie Aprile : Alright Tone.

  Tony Soprano : Yeah! Alright!

• Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [Referring to Beansie]  Richie broke a chair over his head.

  Tony Soprano : Are you shitting me?

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : Then he smacked Beansie's head with the coffee pot and broke his cheekbone.

  Tony Soprano : Prick, I talked to him yesterday, he's all "sweetness and lights." This "big brother" shit is getting old.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Hey, how you've been?

  Tony Soprano : Can't complain. You look good.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : Where are your friends going?

  Johnny Sack : Yeah, tell them to come back and join us.

  Tony Soprano : No, they're leaving.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : It's my first time here, the veal is excellent.

  Tony Soprano : What are we making? Small talk now?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Nice to see you.

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, you too.

  Silvio Dante : Not a bad ass.

  Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero : [to Tony, referring to Dr. Melfi's breasts]  She had nice "pipes" for the lips, no disrespect.

  Tony Soprano : What do I give a fuck? I hardly know her.

  Silvio Dante : [to Pussy]  You would take the tits over the lips?

  Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero : Trust me, my boy, there's two things I'm good at: pulling dents and spotting good blowjobs, and that sweetie has world class blowjob lips, am I right skipper? You ought to know.

  Tony Soprano : What the fuck do I know? It was a long time ago. Alright, she was good.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : Good? Or great?

  Tony Soprano : Why the fuck are you busting my balls? It was a long time ago.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [to Tony]  Hey, I remember every blowjob I ever got.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [to Sil]  How about you? You remember your first blowjob?

  Silvio Dante : Yeah, of course.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : [Jokingly]  How long did it take for the guy to cum?

• Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [jokingly, greeting a intoxicated Hunter dancing in the front lawn of his mom's house]  Hey Janet Jackson

  Hunter Scangarelo : hi. Mr. Soprano

  Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : where's Meadow?

  Hunter Scangarelo : [referring to Meadow's grandmother's home]  I give up, in the house?

• Carmela Soprano : [referring to Meadow, while lying in bed]  So, what did she have to say for herself?

  Tony Soprano : The usual shit, "wasn't my fault."

  Carmela Soprano : There was designer drugs there, Tony. So, what did you say?

  Tony Soprano : I don't know, I yelled. What the fuck else am I gonna do?

• Tony Soprano : [Repeated line to Meadow, scolding her after she threw a party that resulted in a partygoer getting arrested for dealing drugs, another partygoer being hospitalized for overdosing on drugs, and the house ended up being littered with trash, vomit, and urine]  In your grandmother's house.

• Tony Soprano : We're old school; we wash our own dirty laundry.

• Tony Soprano : [while going through their refrigerator, referring to Janice]  can she put anymore gook food in here?

  Carmela Soprano : It's not that much

  Tony Soprano : Soy milk this, tofu that: I hate all that shit

  A.J. Soprano : Yeah me too

  Meadow Soprano : [to AJ]  shut up you said you liked the soy milk

  A.J. Soprano : I lied, she was taking me to the video store

  Meadow Soprano : I'm happy aunt Parvati is gonna stay

  Tony Soprano : Oh, you mean the aunt that doesn't think you get punished enough?

  Meadow Soprano : [raises her voice]  that party wasn't my fault, how many fucking times do I have to say it?

  Tony Soprano : [surprised by her outburst]  Whoa!

  Carmela Soprano : [chastising her for cursing]  hey!

  Carmela Soprano : [to Meadow]  don't look like your gonna cry, you made your bed

  Meadow Soprano : I need fifteen dollars

  Carmela Soprano : Excuse me?

  Meadow Soprano : The Cole Porter CD: it's for Magicals, we're doing three of their songs. You took my card remember?

  Tony Soprano : [When she doesn't say anything after he gives her the money]  what's your problem?

  Meadow Soprano : [before leaving]  nothing

• Janice Soprano : Have you seen what she did?

  Tony Soprano : Who?

  Janice Soprano : Meadow: that house is fucked

  Tony Soprano : I thought you didn't swear?

  Carmela Soprano : [Entering the room]  what are you talking about?

  Janice Soprano : I am outraged. No, I am beyond outraged, talk about disgrace, disrespect for other people's property. That place looks like a shooting gallery, it smells of urine, there's puke all over the beautiful hardwood floors...

  Tony Soprano : [Interrupts her, sarcastically]  sounds like your apartment in Venice

  Carmela Soprano : Don't worry about it: she's been punished

  Janice Soprano : [Sarcastically]  oh my God, three weeks without a credit card, that's some heavy shit there

  Janice Soprano : You know if that was my child...

  Tony Soprano : [Angrily interrupts her, slaps his bowl of cereal on the floor]  you know what? Fuck this, you got a lot of fuckin balls, you know that?

  Janice Soprano : Don't talk to me like that

  Tony Soprano : No, let's "clear the air" here. You ride into town like the "mission come lately", trying to play the "concerned daughter" who the fuck are you kidding? Your just here to pick the friggin bones

  Janice Soprano : [Sternly]  there's a lot I could say that I'm not gonna say

  Tony Soprano : [Before walking away, referring to her demeanor]  a lot of balls

  Janice Soprano : Temper tantrums: he hasn't changed one iota since we lived in Newark, not one iota

  Carmela Soprano : You are passing judgment on him: on us as parents. I told you once already, how we discipline our children is none of anybody's business

  Janice Soprano : You let that girl ride rough shot over you, some day your gonna regret it

  Carmela Soprano : Mother of God, are all of you Sopranos the same? I asked you nicely to stay out of it, you pretend you don't hear me, well maybe you'll hear this? Mind your fucking business, keep your mouth shut when it comes to my kids alright?

  Janice Soprano : [Feeling guilty]  maybe I've stayed here too long?

• Carmela Soprano : [Referring to Meadow]  Alright, let's get her down here.

  Tony Soprano : I guess, where is the bride of Frankenstein?

  Carmela Soprano : She's still sleeping.

  Tony Soprano : You're right, go wake her up.

  Carmela Soprano : I wake her up?

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, I want to get this shit out of the way before I go out.

  Janice Soprano : Let her sleep, you guys are making too much of this.

  Carmela Soprano : I don't think we're making enough, she was drunk.

  Janice Soprano : It's her choice. There's a Zuni saying "For every twenty wrongs a child does, ignore nineteen."

  Tony Soprano : There's an old Italian saying "You fuck up once, you lose two teeth."

  Janice Soprano : See? That's what this is all about, ego and control.

  Carmela Soprano : I beg your pardon?

  Tony Soprano : No, please don't try and make sense with her.

  Carmela Soprano : No, I want to understand this. Go ahead, tell me.

  Janice Soprano : You want to hold onto control over a young woman whose entire biological determinism is to achieve independent thought and behavior. Because she's "exercised" her independence, you want to penalize her because you don't agree with her choices.

  Carmela Soprano : [to Meadow while she walks into the kitchen]  Well?

  Carmela Soprano : Good morning, I'm sorry, is it afternoon?

  Meadow Soprano : Mom, please.

  Carmela Soprano : Please, what? You better have some answers, young lady.

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, that's right.

  Carmela Soprano : [after she remains silent]  OK, fine, you're punished.

  Meadow Soprano : For what? I didn't do anything.

  Tony Soprano : Oh, you call what you did to grandma's house "nothing"?

  Meadow Soprano : [Raising her voice]  It wasn't my fault.

  Carmela Soprano : It's never your fault, Meadow.

  Meadow Soprano : It was just supposed to be me, Hunter, and the Mackalalooso twins and Steve shows up with his asshole friend Adam and a bunch of people from Bolton.

  Tony Soprano : Oh, so Steve's walking around trying doorknobs until he hits the jackpot.

  Meadow Soprano : No, Hunter goes and tells him.

  Carmela Soprano : [Referring to Meadow constantly shifting blame to her friend Hunter]  Oh, now with the "Hunter".

  Tony Soprano : She's over at her house blaming it all on Meadow, it's an old game.

  Meadow Soprano : We're under a lot of pressure, you try studying day and night to get into college. We deserved a night.

  Tony Soprano : [Noticing she's becoming emotional]  OK, take it easy, take it easy.

  Carmela Soprano : I'm sorry you're under a lot of pressure but it's still no excuse.

  Tony Soprano : So, who was this "ecstasy" guy?

  Meadow Soprano : I just told you, Adam, I don't even know him. He just showed up with Steve.

  Carmela Soprano : Is this the same Steve I know? The school newspaper kid you're always with?

  Meadow Soprano : He's a "flake", why do you think I stopped hanging out with him?

  Carmela Soprano : That's news to me you stopped hanging out with Steve.

  Meadow Soprano : It's painful to talk about, OK?

  Tony Soprano : Well, you're going to get punished.

• Meadow Soprano : Look, you guys, I know what I did was not OK and I've been thinking about it a lot and really not feeling good about myself. I think you should take away my Discover card.

  Carmela Soprano : You better believe it.

  Tony Soprano : That's right.

  Meadow Soprano : For two weeks.

  Tony Soprano : Three.

  Meadow Soprano : How do I buy gas?

  Tony Soprano : Your allowance.

  Meadow Soprano : I spent my allowance and I already owe mom.

  Carmela Soprano : [after Tony looks at her implying he wants to know what Meadow owes money for]  The Pashmina.

  Carmela Soprano : [to Meadow]  We can wait on that.

• Carmela Soprano : [Referring to Meadow's punishment, while lying in bed]  There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?

  Tony Soprano : Typical?

  Carmela Soprano : Plenty of parents still "crack the whip"

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, that's what they tell you

  Carmela Soprano : I cannot wait until she goes off the college

  Tony Soprano : Then you can be fucked up with the "empty nest" syndrome and go on Wellbutrin like your sister?

  Carmela Soprano : As a parent today, you are "over a barrel" no matter what you do: you take away the car, you become her chauffeur. You ground her, you gotta stay home weekends and be prison guards

  Tony Soprano : And if you throw her out, the Social Services will bring her back, and we'd be in front of the judge: she's not eighteen yet

  Carmela Soprano : That's your solution? To throw your daughter out?

  Tony Soprano : All I'm saying is with the laws today, you can't even restrain your kid physically because she can sue you for child abuse

  Carmela Soprano : There has to be consequences

  Tony Soprano : And there will be, I hear you ok? Let's not "overplay" our "hand" because if she finds out we're powerless, we're fucked

• Tony Soprano : [while visiting him in the hospital]  listen, do me a favor? Don't listen to these fuckin doctors, when it comes to spinal injuries, everything's a mystery to them: Paulie, he had this cousin got ran over by a forklift and broke his back. The guy's dancing Tango competitions

  Beansie Gaeta : [after Tony helps him wipe his nose]  thanks, I might not be able to wipe my own ass, you know that?

  Tony Soprano : The nose is as far as I'm willing to go

  Tony Soprano : [as Tony sits closer]  you're a thousand percent sure it was Richie Aprile driving that car?

  Beansie Gaeta : A thousand percent? No, a fuckin a million percent. Let me tell you something: his lucky I ain't no rat fuck because the law knows that wasn't no "random" hit and run

  Tony Soprano : Hey, don't start talkin foolish. We're "old school", right? We "wash" our own "dirty laundry"

  Tony Soprano : [When he doesn't respond]  hey, am I right?

• Tony Soprano : I don't talk business with anybody: don't take it personally. A guy in my position is a government target, why do you think we're meeting in a fuckin mall?

  Richie Aprile : I'm the guy who saved you from the "hit parade"

  Tony Soprano : When? When did you ever step in for me?

  Richie Aprile : You forget? When you and my kid brother stuck up "Feech" La Manna's card game, Feech was "made" before the electric light. If it wasn't for me, you two kids would've caught a vicious beating to say the least

  Tony Soprano : You know I love you, you're like my big brother and your gonna be taken care of: what was "yours" before you went away will be "yours" again, you just gotta give it some time

  Richie Aprile : You're gonna do that for me?

  Tony Soprano : Hey fuck you

  Richie Aprile : What's "mine" is not "yours" to give me

  Tony Soprano : Hey prick, you reached out to me

  Richie Aprile : I said what I wanted to say

• Richie Aprile : [Meeting in a shopping mall]  we got a problem?

  Tony Soprano : Hey, I'm just trying to get you to slow the fuck down ok? Things are different now. You gotta be extra, extra careful

  Richie Aprile : When do you know me not to be careful?

  Tony Soprano : When? How about you're out of the joint for ten fuckin minutes, and you're already trying to shake down Beansie for a piece of his pizza joints? Do me a favor? Back off: he's a good earner

  Richie Aprile : Yeah for you

  Tony Soprano : Hey, that's none of your fuckin business. Those pizza joints are strictly a cash business... they come in handy

  Richie Aprile : Sneaky cocksucker

  Tony Soprano : Whatever, back off

  Richie Aprile : [referring to Beansie is not an official member of the mafia and is only an associate]  You taking the side of a "civilian" over me?

  Tony Soprano : [Irritated]  Jesus fuckin Christ, I'm asking you to do me a favor, you want to do it? Do it, if you don't, go fuck yourself

  Richie Aprile : Oh yeah?

  Tony Soprano : Yeah

  Richie Aprile : How's your sister?

  Tony Soprano : [Surprised]  hey, there's no need for that kind of talk

  Richie Aprile : What?

  Tony Soprano : My sister

  Richie Aprile : Janice, how she doing?

  Tony Soprano : Oh, I thought you were "baiting" me you know? "How's your sister?", "Fuck your mother"