- Christopher Moltisanti: You ever feel like nothin' good was ever gonna happen to you?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah. And nothin' did. So what? I'm alive, I'm survivin'.
- Christopher Moltisanti: That's it. I don't wanna just survive. It's says in these movie writing books that every character has an arc. Understand?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [shakes head]
- Christopher Moltisanti: Like everybody starts out somewheres. and they do something, something gets done to them and it changes their life. That's called an arc. Where's my arc?
- [after hearing bad news, Tony and Carmela need to relocate hidden money, guns and...]
- Tony Soprano: All right. You'd better give me your jewelry.
- [Carmela sighs with chagrin]
- Tony Soprano: Hey, they know we can't produce receipts. You want 'em stealing this stuff from us?
- [after Carmela removes her necklace, Tony points to her diamond ring and Carmela balks]
- Tony Soprano: Come on.
- Carmela Soprano: I'm not giving you my engagement ring. This isn't stolen!
- [beat, then frown]
- Carmela Soprano: Is it?
- Tony Soprano: No!
- [beat]
- Tony Soprano: What do you think I am?
- [Carmela sighs again]
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Christopher is annoyed that a bakery clerk is ignoring him and serving another customer] You touch a single fuckin' crust, you're gonna wish you took that job at McDonald's!
- Larry Boy Barese: Oh, Mama Livia. Come sta, darling?
- Livia Soprano: Listen to him with that 'my darling'. I am nobody's darling.
- Larry Boy Barese: [to Tony] This one here, she never disappoints, I tell ya that.
- Livia Soprano: Are you still seeing your other women, Lorenzo?
- Carmela Soprano: [pulls her away] Come on, Ma. Let's mingle.
- Tony Soprano: Sorry. The older she gets the worse she gets.
- Tony Soprano: [Tony gets into Christopher's car and punches his head in anger] What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Didn't Paulie tell you I haven't been feeling good?
- Tony Soprano: I wipe my ass with your feelings.
- Christopher Moltisanti: Thanks, thanks a lot
- Tony Soprano: Drive the fucking car, we're under the microscope and I heard you shot some civilian in the foot because he made you wait for buns?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Fucking Paulie
- Tony Soprano: Don't blame fucking paulie, Makazian comes to me and tells me Nutley PD has got a description make and of the car, why don't you leave a fucking urine sample next time?
- Christopher Moltisanti: If I could've...
- Tony Soprano: [shouting] SHUT UP and Georgie comes into the club his got vomit all over his shirt I ask him what the fuck, he says your digging up somebody you clipped three months ago
- Christopher Moltisanti: I was...
- Tony Soprano: [shouting] SHUT UP, people that shit they want to get caught
- Christopher Moltisanti: I want to get caught?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah you want to get aught I've seen that before that's cowboy-itis you want to be a big bad guy Christopher?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I was worried I didn't...
- Tony Soprano: [shouting] SHUT UP
- Christopher Moltisanti: Can I try and explain here? I don't know it's just the regularness of life it's just too hard for me or something I don't know
- Tony Soprano: [Patting and rubbing Christopher's head] Look at you. I bet you're sleeping all the time right?
- Christopher Moltisanti: It's the only thing I still enjoy. You know what I think? Maybe I have cancer, remember how Jackie got it?
- Tony Soprano: Cancer?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Something horrible is going on inside my body, there's a physical change or something
- Tony Soprano: does this word cancer pop into your head a lot, or a little bit or what?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Confused] What?
- Tony Soprano: I'm thinking maybe your depressed.
- Christopher Moltisanti: Me? I'm no fucking "mental midget"
- Tony Soprano: Right.
- Meadow Soprano: Boot your computer, the cops are coming!
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: So?
- Meadow Soprano: You want them to see all that porno you downloaded?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Shit!
- [runs to his computer, turns it on and starts typing]
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Will I see you next week?
- Tony Soprano: Unless you know something I don't
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Just so that you understand I have to charge you for the missed session
- Tony Soprano: What'd you talking about?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We agreed on that on our very first meeting
- Tony Soprano: I know that but I just explained to you my situation
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I understand but it's important we respect the agreement
- Tony Soprano: What if I got hit by a car?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But you weren't
- Tony Soprano: I know but what if?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But you weren't
- Tony Soprano: I know that but what if?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You weren't
- Tony Soprano: Why don't you answer my fuckin question?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I will not
- Tony Soprano: [Agitated, stands up removes a roll of cash and start tossing it on her coffee table] alright because this is what it's all about right? Mother fuckin cock suckin money here!
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't understand that comment and I don't appreciate being made to feel afraid
- Tony Soprano: I don't appreciate feeling like I pour my heart out to a fuckin call girl
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is that how you see me?
- Tony Soprano: Not until now but it's obvious you don't give a SHIT about my situation or what's happening with me or you wouldn't be shaking me down
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It'll be shown as paid on next month's bill
- Tony Soprano: Fine. Stick it up your ass
- Tony Soprano: [while having Chinese food for dinner after the FBI searched their home earlier in the day] I know the Feds are doing their job but it pisses me off the way they act
- Carmela Soprano: that one guy Harris wasn't so bad
- Tony Soprano: trust me, he was the biggest snake out of all of them: it's all part of his little act and that guy who broke the bowl, he did it on purpose
- Carmela Soprano: Oh, I don't think so, he was just a klutz
- Tony Soprano: What was his last name, Grizzo, Grasso, what?
- Carmela Soprano: [reminding him] Grasso
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Why?
- Tony Soprano: Why? Because he has a vowel at the end of his last name, Grasso, that's why. I mean what's he think? His gonna make it to the top by arresting his own people?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [to his mother] Pass the Moo shu
- Tony Soprano: he'll see, he'll learn
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: We have a vowel
- Tony Soprano: [attempting not to curse at the dinner table] F-in right and you be proud of it. Jesus Christ, you think there never was a Michelangelo, the way they treat people
- Carmela Soprano: [to AJ] Did you know an Italian invented the telephone?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Alexander Graham Bell was Italian?
- Tony Soprano: [to Carmela] you, see? see what I'm takin about?
- Tony Soprano: [raises his voice to AJ, irritated] Antonio Meucci invented it and he got robbed: everybody knows that!
- Meadow Soprano: Who invented the mafia?
- Tony Soprano: [caught off guard by her question] What?
- Meadow Soprano: The Cosa Nostra, who invented that?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Who cares?
- Meadow Soprano: Wasn't it Salvatore Lucania, better known as Charles Lucky Luciano, who organized the Five Families: Lucchese, Gambino, Bonanno, Profaci
- Tony Soprano: [becoming irritated] is there something you wanna say to me?
- Meadow Soprano: I just like history like you, dad
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Can you just shut the fuck up about it?
- Carmela Soprano: [chastising him for cursing] Hey!
- Tony Soprano: [chastising him for cursing] Hey!
- Carmela Soprano: AJ, did you know John Cabot was Italian?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: No
- Meadow Soprano: [to her mother, referring to AJ] Like he knows who that is?
- Carmela Soprano: Famous discoverer of Canada
- Tony Soprano: The Bank of America, ever heard of it? One of the biggest banks in the world, started by an Italian
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: The first American Saint was Italian, Mother Cabrini
- Carmela Soprano: That's right
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Is it true that the Chinese invented spaghetti?
- Tony Soprano: Now think about it, why would people who eat with sticks invent something you need a fork to eat with? And here's something else I bet you didn't know: more Italians fought for this country in World War Two than any other ethnic group, and they wouldn't tell you about Sacco and Vanzetti either
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: The two anti-Christ that got the electric chair in Massachusetts?
- Meadow Soprano: [correcting him] Anarchists
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [to his mother] Isn't anti-Christ?
- Carmela Soprano: They were two innocent men who got the chair because they were Italian
- Meadow Soprano: [to AJ] How could there be two anti-Christ? There was only one Christ
- Tony Soprano: it's not definite but I thought I'd tell you in case I don't show up for an appointment
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [implying he might be arrested in the near future] so, you're telling me you're planning a vacation but you're not sure exactly when will it will be?
- Tony Soprano: right, I may never go. Let's put it this way, there's a strong possibility it could happen
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: does "this" have to do with what's been on the news lately?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [when he doesn't respond] so if you suddenly stop coming to your appointments, I will have to assume you are on vacation? And I should wait to be contacted?
- Tony Soprano: that would be a good assumption