The Sopranos (TV Series)

Guy Walks Into a Psychiatrist's Office (2000)

Aida Turturro: Janice Soprano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tony Soprano : [while in the backyard, referring to her cigarette]  let me get a "hit" off that

  Janice Soprano : [Sarcastically, implying his scared of Carmella because his sneaking outside to smoke]  oh, look who's in charge here

  Tony Soprano : You look sensational, really, I was out of line

  Janice Soprano : Two beautiful kids: you must be proud

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, how about that huh? Even with our genes

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to her lover]  so you still with that "Adolf?"

  Janice Soprano : [Correcting him]  Ralph, no Ralph went back to Andorra. You seem good, "wood"-wise

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, things are good these days

  Janice Soprano : So how are things really with Ma?

  Tony Soprano : She's dead to me

  Janice Soprano : I don't want to get in your way here. You're the one who stayed: took the "brunt", Barb and I are never gonna forget that

  Tony Soprano : Well, you forgot about it for about it for... twenty years, at least Barb pitched in

  Janice Soprano : I know I made my share of mistakes but Ma can't stay in the hospital forever

  Tony Soprano : Let me tell about the "stroke" of hers and I got this from a doctor: it's called a "conversion reaction", it's a big fuckin "opry" brought on by repressed rage: it's bullshit, there was no "infarct", whatever the fuck

  Janice Soprano : Yeah but they also the symptoms are similar to a stroke so the results are the same: she cannot take care of herself

  Tony Soprano : She's "on the lamb" in that hospital from me

  Janice Soprano : Who did what to who is not my business. All I know is that mom is bewildered by all of this, I mention you and her eyes fill up with tears

  Tony Soprano : [Amused]  oh boy

  Janice Soprano : Look, I'm not asking you to step in here... it's my turn now, that's why I came

  Tony Soprano : She's a "streg", she's the devil

  Janice Soprano : She was, now she's just a confused old woman. So look, all I need is a couple bucks to fix her car so I can back and forth to the hospital, then I'll take her home to Seattle, maybe stay at her house here "temporarily"

  Tony Soprano : Oh, I doubt that, I just put her house on the market

  Janice Soprano : Oh

  Tony Soprano : [Before giving her money]  look, I'm glad you're here ok? You want to play Florence Nightingale? That's your choice, only this is the last time we mention her in this house

• Carmela Soprano : [to Janice]  how was the guest bed? Did you sleep alright?

  Janice Soprano : [Nods]  great, usually I bring my own pillow: ergonomic, I got ripped off at the bus stop in Rapid City

  Tony Soprano : [after coming down from upstairs]  what? Those pillows aren't good enough for pillows aren't to sleep on anymore?

  Tony Soprano : [Before they hug each other]  come here

  Janice Soprano : Oh, look who decided to join us? My little brother

  Tony Soprano : How you doing Jan...?

  A.J. Soprano : [Reminding Tony Janice's surname]  Parvati

  Tony Soprano : [Pats him on the side of the head]  I'm her brother, I get a pass

  Tony Soprano : You look good, you look like... a teenager

  Janice Soprano : [to everybody]  my therapist says I'm "regressing"

  Tony Soprano : Oh, your therapist? Who pays for that?

  Janice Soprano : The State of Washington: total disability

  Tony Soprano : Oh yeah, the Epstein-Barr

  Janice Soprano : [Correcting him of the previous illness she had]  "was", chronic Carpal Tunnel from my last job: the steamed milk machine

  Janice Soprano : [Walking over to Tony at the kitchen bar counter]  hey, I stayed up waiting for you, when did you get in?

  Tony Soprano : Late, you know?

  Tony Soprano : [Irritated]  what the fuck is that smell?

  Janice Soprano : Miso soup, its seaweed

  A.J. Soprano : [to Tony, referring to Janice]  she's been telling us all about Seattle

  Tony Soprano : If I see those grunge pants on you, you'll be looking on the ground looking up

  Meadow Soprano : [Jokingly]  dad, how do you stay so hip?

  Janice Soprano : [to AJ and Meadow]  I'll be back in a sec, don't let your father near my soup: he makes fun of it but he'll eat anything before noon, that's not locked away

  Carmela Soprano : You don't see your sister for years and right away, you're already starting on her diet?

  Tony Soprano : Hey, believe me, she gets as good as she gets

• Janice Soprano : [Referring to Tony cooking on the barbeque grill]  who's Anthony look like to you right now?

  Barbara Giglione : Dad: we stopped in to see mom on the way over, how do you think she is?

  Janice Soprano : A little weak but she's all there. Some "family reunion", the woman who birthed them all is barred from the premises

  Barbara Giglione : I don't think you should get too close, look what she tried to do to Tony

  Janice Soprano : I have no fantasies about my mother. You know his trying to sell the house?

  Barbara Giglione : What house?

  Janice Soprano : Mom's house

  Barbara Giglione : See? That's what I'm talking about, don't get involved: let Tony handle it. I only called you because you're far away and I thought you would want to know if our mother was ill

  Janice Soprano : A hundred and eighty grand his asking for that place, like he needs that

  Barbara Giglione : Well, I'm glad someone's taking charge, you'll get your cut

  Janice Soprano : Ma's not dead yet: there's no will