- Notch Johnson: Porcelain, did you know that Nocchus and I fought together in the Three-Day War?
- Jamaica St. Croix: I thought it was the Six-Day War.
- Noccus Johnstein: Well, it was, but I was able to get 50% off.
- Chip Rommel: A body has been found by the dock.
- Notch Johnson: What a lucky break. Was the doc able to save him?
- Kimberlee Clark: No, Notch! He means there's a dead body down by the pier.
- Chip Rommel: That's far enough, Kimberlee of the dark! Kimberlee's now one of them. She sucks the life out of people.
- Notch Johnson: Kimberlee's a divorce lawyer?
- Chip Rommel: She's a vampire!
- Chip Rommel: Vampiren kommen nachts heraus, und sie drinken frische blut!
- Notch Johnson: Damn it, Chip! What does all this mean?
- Chip Rommel: This means that this book is 72 years overdue.
- Chip Rommel: In the night of the third moon in the summer month, if the lead vampire is killed before dawn, then all those bitten will return to normal.
- Notch Johnson: But, Chip, it's 4:30 in the morning. Sunrise is as 5:26. You should've read this earlier!
- Chip Rommel: This was on page 7,002!