- Dori Doreau: Captain, I request that Hammer and I be assigned this case
- Sledge Hammer: No, wait, no, whoa, no way, no I don't do this. I'm in Homicide, I deal in scum suckers, not thumb suckers.
- Sledge Hammer: Look, lady, what is the matter with you, huh? I got money coming out of my ears and you're standing in the way of giving a kid a good home. You oughta see my place. I mean, I got everything. I got a hot tub, I got a barbecue pit, a pool table, I have a whole large collection of adult films on videotape, and a Doberman that needs a playmate. So what's the problem...
- Adoption Agency Manager: [Aghast] Please leave now!
- Sledge Hammer: And there's a stewardess next door who likes to sunbathe nude, and I need a little tot to put on my shoulders to help to steady the binoculars!
- Adoption Agency Manager: Get out! I wouldn't place Lizzie Borden with you people!
- Sledge Hammer: That's OK, I wouldn't take her. I ordered a boy!
- Sledge Hammer: Doreau? Doreau? Come on, what are you doing? Sleeping on the job is for Air Traffic Controllers, not cops