The Simpsons (TV Series)

You Only Move Twice (1996)

Albert Brooks: Hank Scorpio

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hank Scorpio : Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

  Homer : Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

  Hank Scorpio : Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.

  Homer : Uh-huh.

  Hank Scorpio : There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.

  Homer : Mm-Hmm.

  Hank Scorpio : That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.

  Homer : Oh, the hammock district!

  Hank Scorpio : That's right.

• Hank Scorpio : By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?

  Homer : France.

  [Scorpio adjusts a giant laser cannon pointing towards the sky] 

  Hank Scorpio : Heh heh heh. Nobody ever says Italy...

• Homer : Uh... you have any sugar around here?

  Hank Scorpio : Sugar? Sure.

  [takes two handfuls of sugar out of his pockets] 

  Hank Scorpio : There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?

  [reaches back into his pockets] 

  Homer : Uh... I... no.

• Hank Scorpio : Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!

  [throws them out the door] 

  Hank Scorpio : Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?

  Homer : [chuckles]  Yes, once.

• Marge Simpson : Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.

  Hank Scorpio : We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush, they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.

• Hank Scorpio : Can't argue with the little things, it's the little things that make up life.

  [throws grenade, blowing up a group of soldiers] 

• Hank Scorpio : [Homer has just stopped one of Scorpio's enemies from escaping, much to his delight]  When you go home tonight, there's gonna be another story on your house!

• Hank Scorpio : But Homer, on your way out if you want to kill somebody, you would help me a lot.

• Hank Scorpio : Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.

  [laughs] 

  Hank Scorpio : I'm just kidding.

  Homer : Oh.

  Hank Scorpio : You know who invented the hammock, Homer?

  Homer : No.

  Hank Scorpio : There's something for you to do: find that out.

• Hank Scorpio : My butt's for sitting, not for kissing.

• [Scorpio has a James Bond-style secret agent strapped to a table with a cutting laser edging up towards him] 

  Hank Scorpio : Ingenious, isn't it, Mr. Bont?

  Bont : Scorpio, you're totally mad.

  Hank Scorpio : Hah. I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.

  Bont : So, do you expect me to talk?

  Hank Scorpio : I don't expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.

  [walks off] 

  Hank Scorpio : You're gonna die now.

• Hank Scorpio : When you go home tonight, there's going to be another story on your house!

• Hank Scorpio : [It's Homer's first day at his new job and his Boss, Scorpio, is showing him around]  You will notice, my new best friend, that we are very casual around here.

  Homer : Yes Mr.Scorpion, very casual.

  Hank Scorpio : Don't call me Mr.Scorpion. It's Mr.Scorpi*o*, but don't call me that either. Call me Hank!

• Hank Scorpio : [Hank has just introduced Homer to the staff he will be managing]  Give 'em the benefit of your years of experience.

  Homer : Don't worry, that won't take long!

• Hank Scorpio : The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and then I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?

  Homer : Gotcha!

  [Homer closes his eyes and prepares to fall backwards. Hank holds out his hands, ready to catch Homer] 

  Hank Scorpio : Three... Two...

  [nearby phone rings] 

  Hank Scorpio : One second.

  [Homer falls backwards as Hank picks up the phone. Naturally, Homer falls straight to the ground with a loud thud] 

  Hank Scorpio : [to the guy on the phone]  Oh my god, guy's on the floor!

  [to Homer] 

  Hank Scorpio : That was a phone call! Don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.

• Hank Scorpio : [Talking on the phone, seeming more and more concerned as the conversation progresses]  What happened?... When did that happen?... How much of it?... Oh my goodness, I'll be right up!

  [Hangs up the phone] 

  Hank Scorpio : Homer, I've gotta go, there's a problem upstairs! Somebody ate part of my lunch!

• Hank Scorpio : Can't argue with the little things, it's the little things that make up life.