The Simpsons (TV Series)
Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (1995)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Mel, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Pigeon
Photos
Quotes
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Sideshow Mel : I am Melvin Van Horn. And this is my associate, Herschel Krustofsky.
Krusty the Clown : Hey-hey.
Sideshow Mel : Officers, you have arrested an innocent man!
Chief Wiggum : Really? Ah, jeez.
[Opens cell door]
Chief Wiggum : All right, Colossus, you're free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain.
Dr. Colossus : But all my stuff is there.
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Groundskeeper Willie : I could ne'er have shot Burns. It's impossible for me to fire a pistol If you check me medical records, you'll see I have a crippling arthritis in me index fingers.
[holds up his fingers, which are misshapen]
Groundskeeper Willie : I got it from space invaders in 1977.
Chief Wiggum : Oh yeah, that was a pretty addictive video game.
Groundskeeper Willie : Video game?!
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[Smithers's memory clears, and he realizes he shot Jasper, not Mr. Burns]
Smithers : So, instead of wounding an evil old man, I may have killed an innocent old man... that's much worse!
Krusty the Clown : About fifty thousand volts worse, if you know what I mean!
[imitates the sounds of an electric chair and sizzling flesh]
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Chief Wiggum : Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder.
Homer Simpson : D'OH!
Chief Wiggum : Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say "d'oh".
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Homer Simpson : [holding a gun to Mr. Burns' head] Say it, Burns! Say I never shot you!
[realizes that he's about to shoot him]
Homer Simpson : [calmly] Before.
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Marge Simpson : Grampa, I found your cigar box dug up in the backyard, but the gun wasn't there. Have you seen it?
Grampa : You accuse me of everything around here! "Who put slippers in the dishwasher? Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch?"
Marge Simpson : I was just asking if you'd seen it. There's no need to be a prickly pear.
[Marge leaves the room. Grampa pulls out his Smith & Wesson revolver and caresses it]
Grampa : Oh, you're the bee's knees, baby. I missed you bad...
Marge Simpson : [returning] Were you talking to me, Grampa?
Grampa : [hiding the gun] Uh... yes.
Marge Simpson : [shudders] Ugh.
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Lisa Simpson : Don't shoot my dad! He's innocent. He wouldn't hurt a fly!
Montgomery Burns : [opening the door, she and Wiggum see Homer shaking Burns] Ho-mer Simp-son! Ho-mer Simp-son!
Homer Simpson : Stop telling them it was me! I'll kill you for saying it was me.
Montgomery Burns : What is the meaning of this? Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?
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Mr. Burns : Homer Simpson?
Homer Simpson : So, you finally learned my name eh?
Mr. Burns : [shaking his head] Homer Simpson.
Homer Simpson : I've got no time for your demented parlor games! You won't be telling anyone else that Homer Simpson shot you.
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Lisa : Nancy Drew says that all you need to solve a mystery is an inquisitive temperament and two good friends. And I've got an inquisitive temperament. Maybe I could help solve this.
Marge Simpson : Mmm... I think you're a little young to be investigating an attempted murder. Why don't you try to solve the mystery of who put that mud in the freezer?
Bart : Who wants chocolate ice cream?
Homer Simpson : Me, me, me!