The Simpsons (TV Series)

Treehouse of Horror V (1994)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [chops down a door a la The Shining]  Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

  [there's no one in the room] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

  [chops down another door] 

  Homer Simpson : Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid Letterman!

  Grandpa Simpson : Hi, David, I'm Grampa.

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

  [chops down another door and holds a stopwatch] 

  Homer Simpson : I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!

  Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

• Homer Simpson : Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something, something.

  Marge : Go crazy?

  Homer Simpson : Don't mind if I do!

  [goes crazy] 

• [Marge enters a large room, with a typewriter in the middle] 

  Marge Simpson : Homer? Homey?

  [sees the typewriter] 

  Marge Simpson : Hum, what he's typing will be a window into his madness.

  [approaches the typewriter and reads:] 

  Marge Simpson : 'Feelin' fine.' Well, that's a relief.

  [Lightning flashes and illuminates the room, showing "NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY" scrawled again and again all over the walls in wild letters] 

  Marge Simpson : Mmm... this is less encouraging.

• Marge : [on radio]  Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over.

  Chief Wiggum : Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.

• Lisa : Mom! Mom! You gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!

  Marge Simpson : Listen, kids - you're eight and ten years old now; I can't be fighting all your battles for you.

  Bart Simpson : But, mom!

  Marge Simpson : Nobuts! You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say 'Don't eat me'.

• [first lines] 

  Marge Simpson : [emerges from behind a curtain]  Hello, once again. As usual, I must warn you that this year's Halloween show is very, very scary, and those of you with young children may want to send them off to bed, a...

  [someone hands her a note, which she reads] 

  Marge Simpson : Oh, my. It seems the show is so scary, that Congress won't even let us show it. Instead, they've suggested the 1941 Glenn Ford movie, "200 Miles to Oregon".

  [a black-and-white live-action shot of a wagon train plays for a few seconds and then is cut off with a flash. The flash then turns into a oscilloscope's waveform] 

  Bart Simpson : There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. *We* are controlling the transmission.

  Homer Simpson : What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look! I can see my voice!

  [chuckles, then vocalizes to experiment with the waveform] 

  Homer Simpson : Brrrrrr! Hee! Heeee! Blub-blub-blub-blub-blub! This. Is-my-voice. On Tee-Vee...!

  Bart Simpson : DAD! You're ruining the mood!

  Homer Simpson : Sorry.

  Bart Simpson : For the next half-hour, we will control what you see and hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror of...

  [the waveform morphs into an outline of the family] 

  Bart Simpson : The Simpsons Halloween Special.

• [Marge drags an unconscious Homer into the cellar] 

  Marge Simpson : You stay here until you're no longer insane!

  [turns to the shelves] 

  Marge Simpson : Hmm, chili would be good tonight.

• Lisa Simpson : Are we taking the new Nexus to aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?

  Homer Simpson : Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan, WOO HOO! I hit the jackpot! Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?

  Marge Simpson : Donut? What's a donut?

  [Homer screams in horror and runs back to the time machine. Right after he leaves, it starts raining donuts] 

  Marge Simpson : Hmm. It's raining again.

• Marge : [Bart awakens from a nightmare]  Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back home with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of... except that fog that turns people inside out.

  Bart : Huh?

  Homer : [the fog starts coming in]  Uh-oh, it's seeping in. STUPID CHEAP WEATHER STRIPPING!

  [everyone screams as the fog turns them inside out; then they stop screaming, looking at each other. Music plays, and they start dancing and singing] 

  Marge , Bart , Homer , Lisa : One chorus line of people, dancing till they make us stop!

  Groundskeeper Willie : [Willy, also turned inside out, jumps on stage]  Too...!

  Marge , Bart , Homer , Lisa , Groundskeeper Willie : Many dancing people, covered in blood, gore, and glop!/Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out!/It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you've read about!/Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in, the family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine!/Happy Halloween!

• Homer Simpson : [Homer is slowly being driven mad by the lack of beer and TV at the lodge]  I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!

  Marge Simpson : Homer!

  Homer Simpson : Sorry. Sorry. Don't worry. There's plenty I can do to keep myself occupied. Maybe I'll check out that axe collection?

  [he leaves the kitchen but then pokes his head around the door jamb with a sinister smile] 

  Homer Simpson : See ya later.

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, is Dad gonna' kill us?

  Marge Simpson : [not too concerned yet]  We're just gonna' have to wait and see.