- Marge Simpson: [Marge leaves the dance room and sees Homer sitting on the stairs crying heavily. She walks up to him] Homer?
- Homer: [He sniffles and looks up at her] What?
- Marge Simpson: [She sits down beside him] Why are you doing this? Why can't you accept that I'm here with someone else?
- Homer: [Sniffles; his voice breaks as he talks] Because I'm... sure we were meant to be together. Usually when I have a thought, there's a lot of *other* thoughts in there... some things says, yes, some things says, no... But this time, there's only yes!
- [Cries as he talks]
- Homer: How can the only thing I've ever been sure about in my life be wrong?
- Marge Simpson: [Looks down] Hm... I don't know... But it is.
- [Walks away]
- Marge Simpson: Why so glum?
- Homer: [sigh] I got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you. And kiss you. And I'll never be able to let you go.
- Homer: [Flashes back to the present] And I never have
- Homer: [after having a meeting with his guidance counselor] Me, work in a nuclear power plant? Ka-blammo!
- [the Simpsons are watching 'Yakkin' About Movies' a film review show hosted by a duo of film critics, one bald, the other fat and bespectacled]
- Bald Critic: Our next movie is 'McBain', another shoot-em-up, push-em-through-the-plate-glass-window splatterfest from the Hollywood cookie cutter. Here's a typically brainless scene.
- [an excerpt from 'McBain' plays]
- Police Captain: Senator Mendoza is one of the most respected citizens in this state, McBain. And yet, you ran his limo off a cliff, broke the necks of three of his bodyguards and drove a bus through his front door?
- McBain: [thick Germanic accent] But Captain, I have proof that he's head of an international drug cartel!
- Police Captain: I don't want to hear about it, McBain! You're outta here!
- [the gigantic, musclebound McBain turns, then punches the captain with a huge fist, sending flying him through the window and falling multiple storeys into a fountain below]
- McBain: That makes two of us.
- Abe Simpson: [munching fried chicken] What's the matter, boy?
- Homer: Nothing.
- Abe Simpson: You haven't said boo all night, and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts!
- Homer: Dad... I'm in love.
- Abe Simpson: Uh-oh! Better grab yourself a beer, son.
- Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink...
- Abe Simpson: Cut the crap! "I just collect the cans, Daddy!" Now get yourself a beer and get me one, too. Now, this girl of yours, is she a real looker?
- Homer: Uh-huh.
- Abe Simpson: A lot on the ball?
- Homer: Oh, yeah.
- Abe Simpson: Oh son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, the less-attractive girl. Ah, I blame myself. I should have had this conversation years ago.
- Homer: [dejected] Thanks, Dad.
- [after the TV goes blank]
- Bart: If you look close, you can make them out.
- Homer: Hey, yeah, I think I can...
- Marge Simpson: I think this is sick! You're staring at a dot.
- Homer: [sobbing] She's right! She's right! Oh, how I miss TV!
- [shouts]
- Homer: Dear God, just give me one channel!
- Fat Critic: You know, I can't believe we're talking about the same movie.
- Bald Critic: Oh, no...
- Fat Critic: I thought McBain was a non-stop rollercoaster of chills, thrills, spills, and kills! And that chase at the end, my friend?
- [makes a kiss noise as if describing some delicious food]
- Fat Critic: Mwah!
- Bald Critic: Are you nuts? That movie stinks like your creepy one bedroom apartment!
- Fat Critic: Your mother didn't think it was so creepy!
- Bald Critic: "My mother"! Real mature! I'm sick of your grade school insults...
- Homer: [watching them on TV, laughing] I love watching the bald guy argue with the fat tub of lard.
- Homer: You wanna go out with me?
- Marge Simpson: Um, I don't think you're my type
- Homer: You see the problem is you don't know me. I have references. Just ask Coach Flannigan and Mr Seckofsky. And Barney Gumble.
- Marge Simpson: Hmmmm I don't know
- Homer: Look, I'm not asking you to like me. I'm not asking you to put yourself in a position where I can touch your goodies. I'm just asking you to be fair
- [after the TV goes blank]
- Marge Simpson: It's not the end of the world. Before we got married, we hardly ever watched TV.
- Bart: You lie!
- Marge Simpson: It's true, Bart. We used to shoot pool and go dancing...
- Lisa Simpson: How romantic!
- Marge Simpson: And sometimes we'd stay at home and talk, just like this.
- Bart: I'm livin' it, but I ain't loving it.
- [Homer is angling to join the debate team to get closer to Marge]
- Mrs. Bloominstein: The topic is "Resolved: The speed limit should be lowered to 55 mph."
- Homer: [out of his chair and on his feet] Fifty-five? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but *millions* will be late!
- Mrs. Bloominstein: ...Why don't you take "con."