The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Springfield Files (1997)

Gillian Anderson: Dana Scully

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mulder : All right, Homer, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw this alien.

  Homer : Well, the evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

  Scully : Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.

  Homer : We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?

• Mulder : Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.

  Scully : Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

  Mulder : I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

• Mulder : [after subjecting Homer to a physical and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill]  Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?

  Scully : No point. I just figured he could stand to lose some weight.

  Mulder : [Seeing the movement of Homer's belly]  His jigglin is almost hypnotic.

  Scully : Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

• Scully : Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?

  Homer : Yes.

  [lie detector explodes] 

• Grampa : For the love of God, help me! I've been here for four days, and a turtle's got a hold of my teeth. There he is!

  [chasing the turtle, moving just as slow] 

  Grampa : Come back here, you. Slow down. I'll get you.

  Scully : This is the worst assignment we've ever had.

  Mulder : Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?

  Grampa : [the turtle bites him]  Ow! He bit me with my own teeth!

  Scully : No, this is much more irritating.

• Marge Simpson : Hello. Can I help you?

  Mulder : [showing their badges]  Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.

  Marge Simpson : [gasping]  I-Is this about that pen that I took from the post office? I-I swear, I didn't know I put it in my purse. Then I was going to bring it back, but the dog chewed it up, and that just made things worse.

  [she begins hyperventilating] 

  Scully : Actually, we're here to see your husband about his UFO encounter.

  Marge Simpson : [still trying to catch her breath]  Oh... come... come in.

• Scully : Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup and tell us if any of these are the aliens you saw.

  Alf : [in line with Marvin the Martian, Chewbacca, either Kang or Kodos, and Gort from "The Day the Earth Stood Still"]  Yo!

  Homer : No, I'm sorry.

  Marvin the Martian : [grumbling as they all leave]  Oh, this makes me very angry.