The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Principal and the Pauper (1997)

Harry Shearer: Principal Skinner, Armin Tamzarian, Kent Brockman, Judge Snyder

Quotes 

• Superintendant Chalmers : Now let's clear this up. Who exactly are you?

  Sgt. Seymour Skinner : Sergeant Seymour Skinner, U.S. Army.

  Principal Skinner : It's true. I was in his platoon. But, they said you were killed on that scouting mission.

  Sgt. Seymour Skinner : No, just captured. It's kind of a funny story, really. After five years in a secret P.O.W. camp, I was sold to China for slave labor. And since '77 I've been making sneakers at gunpoint in a sweatshop in Boo-Haun.

  Marge Simpson : That's not a funny story.

  Sgt. Seymour Skinner : Well, I guess you had to be there.

• Armin Tamzarian : Hello Edna, I know we were planning on seeing a movie tonight, but, instead I'm leaving town forever.

• Principal Skinner : Hello, Edna. I know we had dinner plans tonight, but instead I'm leaving town forever.

• [Skinner rides his bike, passing nearby Bart and other children] 

  Bart : [confused]  Principal Skinner?

  Principal Skinner : Up yours, children!

• Armin Tamzarian : As strange as it sounds, deep down I think she knew I wasn't her son but... a lie made us both happier than the truth ever could have.

• Armin Tamzarian : I don't know why I did what I did. I guess I couldn't bear to tell her about her son. What I did was wrong but... I'd do it again.

• Judge Snyder : By authority of the city of Springfield, I hereby confer upon you the name of Seymour Skinner, as well as his past, present, future and mother.

  Armin Tamzarian : No gain.

  Judge Snyder : And I further decree that everything will be just like it was before all this happened, and no one will ever mention it again, under penalty of torture!

  Bystanders : YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

• Sgt. Seymour Skinner : You've led quite a life, Tamzarian.

  Armin Tamzarian : It's your life. I just kept it warm for you.