The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Mansion Family (2000)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Safe Guard, Barney, Coast Guard, Krusty
Quotes
-
Homer Simpson : Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
Lisa Simpson : You won a Grammy.
Homer Simpson : I mean an award that's worth winning.
[announcement on the bottom of the screen- Legal Disclaimer: Mr. Simpson's opinions do not reflect those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all]
-
Marge Simpson : This all seems a little elaborate for sloppy joes. Hmm, I know what the other eleven forks are for, but what do you do with this one?
Homer Simpson : Why, Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it.
Marge Simpson : Homer, watch your lang...
[scratching her rear]
Marge Simpson : Ooh, that's a lifesaver!
-
[the city of Springfield is having an illegal party in the ocean, about 300 yards from American territorial waters]
Bart : [on megaphone] What are you gonna do now, Coast Guard? Huh? You can't arrest us or do anything to us. Lousy Americans...
Coast Guard : [on megaphone] We can't hear you. Come 300 yards closer.
-
Homer Simpson : Listen, I worked long and hard for this place, and no one's gonna take it away from me. Not you, not its rightful owner, not anybody.
-
Homer Simpson : [leaving the Pride Awards and lugging a giant statue with him] Well, that was a great night for us all.
Marge Simpson : That's not an award. That's part of the set.
Homer Simpson : Nothing you can say will diminish this honor.
-
Marge Simpson : Good lord! This bedroom is as big as our house!
Homer Simpson : And the bed never needs to be made. Check it out.
[pulling a lever, a trap door opens and the bed drops into a furnace; another trap door opens and a new bed replaces it]
Marge Simpson : Hmm. Seems a little wasteful.
Homer Simpson : Wasteful and practical.
-
Homer Simpson : [at the Springfield Pride Awards] This is my year, Marge. Everyone knows I'm what makes this city great!
Marge Simpson : I don't know. There's a lot of buzz around Lenny.
-
Kent Brockman : [after the town's oldest resident dies] Well, this award has to go to somebody. Would everyone who is 60 or older please stand up?
[Flanders, Mr. Burns, Grandpa Simpson, Jasper, Mrs. Glick, and the Old Jewish Man stand up]
Kent Brockman : Over 80?
[Flanders, Abe, and Mrs. Glick sit back down]
Kent Brockman : 90?
[the Old Jewish Man sits down, and Abe stands back up]
Kent Brockman : 100 years old?
[everyone but Mr. Burns sits down]
Marge Simpson : Homer, sit down!
Homer Simpson : [feigning old age] What's that, sonny?
[she sits him back down, and everyone cheers for Mr. Burns]
Mr. Burns : [heading on stage] Well, this is all so sudden.
[Britney leans in to kiss him]
Mr. Burns : Ah! Don't give me that kiss of death, you black widow!
Kent Brockman : [wrenching the statute out of Mr. Chapman's dead hands] Boy, he didn't want to let go of that.
[laughter]
Mr. Burns : Okay, let's see. I... I don't have a speech prepared, but, uh... abracadaver!
[taking the speech from Chapman's pocket]
Mr. Burns : "Thank you all so much. I love Springfield, from the cuddliest infant to..." puppies, patriotism... bluebirds. Pfft! I'm not reading this drivel. This speech is over.
-
Homer Simpson : LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!
-
Moe Szyslak : You could steal a boat and sail out to international waters.
Homer Simpson : What's that, a theme park?
-
Moe Szyslak : You know I can't sell you no beer till 2PM on account of it's Sunday.
Homer Simpson : Huh? If you can't sell beer what are Lenny and Carl doing here?
Carl : We're just watching the sun move across the sky.
Lenny : When it gets to here, we can drink again!
-
Homer Simpson : Everyone gets an award but me.
Marge Simpson : I can't help it if I donated the most blood.
[suddenly getting dizzy]
Marge Simpson : Ooh, I'm feeling kinda woozy.
-
Marge Simpson : I'm not gonna let you trash Mr. Burns' yacht.
Homer Simpson : Marge, you know I normally listen to you, but I gotta seize this opportunity, just in case I never become a real billionaire.
Marge Simpson : Oh, Homie, I don't care if you're a billionaire. I love you just because...
Lenny : Hey, there's another way to get on the boat!
Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo!
-
Marge Simpson : Homer, you've got to stop pretending this is your house. You're not a billionaire.
Homer Simpson : Jeez, way to burst my bubble, Marge.
Marge Simpson : All I'm saying is don't get too comfortable. Mr. Burns will be back tomorrow.
Homer Simpson : Marge, you're right. We *do* have to have a party.
Marge Simpson : Party? No! No parties.
Homer Simpson : What about partays?
Marge Simpson : No partays, no shindigs, no keggers, no hootenannies, no mixers, no raves, no box socials.
Homer Simpson : Damn!
[holding up a stack of invitations]
Homer Simpson : And I looked so good on that bike.
-
Bart : [riding his bike through Mr. Burns' mansion, he knocks a table and vase over] I'm Al Unser, Jr.!
Lisa Simpson : [on a horse and jumping over the debris] I'm Princess Margaret!
Homer Simpson : [following on a lawnmower] I'm drunk!
-
Carl : Homer, have we hit international waters yet? Because, uh, things are gettin' real ugly.
[blocking a keg of beer, Moe cracks a whip to keep Lenny and Barney at bay]
Moe Szyslak : I can't sell you beer 'til we cross the line!
Barney : Legally, you could give us free beer.
[getting whipped]
Barney : Ow!
Lenny : Well, could you at least give us rubbing alcohol for our wounds?
[Moe tosses a bottle to him]
Lenny : Hey! Ha-ha-ha. Sucker.
[as he starts drinking it, Moe whips him]
Lenny : Ow!
-
Homer Simpson : [house-sitting for Mr. Burns] Look at me! I'm a billionaire!
[climbing onto the banister, he slides down and flies butt-first into a painting on the wall]
Waylon Smithers : [returning to collect a bag] I forgot my...
[trying to laugh it off, Homer chuckles and gives him a thumbs-up]
-
Homer Simpson : [taking Mr. Burns' yacht for a party] Propellers... spinning! Turn... left! Boat go... there!
Lisa Simpson : [on the dock] Don't worry, Mom. I'm sure he'll be okay.
Marge Simpson : The boat's going sideways!
Homer Simpson : Chips ahoy!
[the boat bumps into a rocky outcropping and rights itself]
Homer Simpson : Well done, Mr. Lenny. Well done.
-
Homer Simpson : [in international waters] There are no laws. We can do anything we want. Anything.
[Lenny runs up and starts kicking him in the shins]
Homer Simpson : Ow! Ow! Oh, real mature, Lenny.
-
Coast Guard : Navy SEALS are on their way!
Homer : Oh bless you!
Coast Guard : How about a tactical nuclear strike?
Homer : Oh, that would be just... ohh. You're just yanking my chain, aren't you?
