- Marge: You know, you have to stop drinking?
- Buck McCoy: What do you care?
- Marge: I don't know. I just naturally I assumed that it was any of my business.
- [Buck's house is garnished with steakhouse paraphernalia]
- Bart: Wow. It's like you're living in a steakhouse.
- Buck McCoy: Why, thank you. Most people just mutter that.
- Krusty the Clown: I want my comedy to have a timeless quality.
- Krusty's Assistant: Here's the final draft on that "Hanging Chad" sketch, Krusty.
- Krusty the Clown: [reading] Heh heh. Oh good, you worked in Judge Ito.
- Lisa: I'm Annie Oakley!
- Nelson Muntz: I'm Kevin Costner in one of his western roles!
- Ralph: I'm a gulch!
- Bart Simpson: Well... gotta mosey.
- [Bart tips his hat before leaving]
- Bart Simpson: Homer, ma'am...
- Marge Simpson: Bart sure is fond of that cow-gentleman.
- Marge Simpson: I'm not sure I approve of selling whiskey to children.
- Buck McCoy: Well that ad was aimed at children who were already heavy drinkers.
- Marge Simpson: Oh...
- Buck McCoy: [mounting his horse indoors] To the laundry room! Yee-haw!
- [the horse moves a few inches forward, and Buck dismounts]
- Buck McCoy: Here we are.
- Buck McCoy: [narrating the his clips] In the '50s, I did a TV show. It only lasted a year, but we did 360 episodes, all of them great. I did the commercials myself.
- Buck McCoy: in seemed the 70s it seemed westerns were out and detective shows were in all they had me do was shoot hippies.