The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Last Temptation of Krusty (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Gil, Krusty the Klown, Sideshow Mel, Mr. Teeny, Reporter, Barney Gumble

Photos 

Quotes 

• Steven Wright : I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it.

  [the entire audience, except Homer, laughs] 

  Homer Simpson : I don't get it.

  Lisa Simpson : Dad, the zebra didn't do it, it's just a word at the end of the dictionary.

  Homer Simpson : I still don't get it.

  Lisa Simpson : It's just a joke.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I get it! I get jokes!

  [laughs] 

• Janeane Garafolo : I got my period today.

  Marge Simpson : [spits out her drink in shock]  Oh, good lord!

  Janeane Garafolo : Plus I got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.

  Homer Simpson : [laughing hysterically]  Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!

  [thumps his fists loudly on the table, while he laughs] 

• Homer Simpson : From now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!

  Bart Simpson : Dad!

  Homer Simpson : You too, Bart!

  Marge Simpson : Oh, knock it off, Homer, you're the fattest one in the car!

  Homer Simpson : [shocked, hurt]  You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!

• [Homer walks into the bathroom to use the lavatory] 

  Bart Simpson : Dad!

  Homer : [laughs]  Whoops, sorry son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.

• [Moe turns his bar into a comedy club] 

  Marge : Four drink minimum?

  Homer : I'll cover you, honey.

• Bart Simpson : What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.

  Homer Simpson : Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him!

• Reporter : [When Krusty announces his retirement from show business]  But, Krusty, why now? Why not 20 years ago?

  Krusty the Clown : 'Cause comedy ain't funny anymore. Instead of time-tested jokes about women drivers and doctor bills, you got some big-chin schlub reading typos from the Palookaville Post. Well, here's a headline for you: "Nobody cares."

  [Everyone laughs] 

  Jay Leno : Hey, I washed your hair.

• Krusty the Clown : Comedy isn't funny anymore... You've got some big chinned slob reading typos from the Palookaville Post! Well, here's a headline for ya. Nobody cares!

• Bart Simpson : And then of course there's Mom who sounds something like this.

  [Bart ties a blue blanket around his head to resemble Marge's hair] 

  Bart Simpson : [in a shaky voice]  Eat your vegetables. Take a sweater. I don't think that's a good idea.

  [groans] 

  Homer Simpson : [Homer and Lisa laugh]  Take that, Marge!

  [Marge groans] 

• Krusty the Clown : Me so solly!

• Bart Simpson : [to Jay Leno]  Anyway, don't you have some advice for Krusty?

  Jay Leno : Well, these days, people like observational humor about things they deal with in everyday life.

  Krusty the Clown : Oh, yeah. You mean like when your lazy butler washes your sock garters and they're still covered with schmutz?

  Jay Leno : Well, kind of, but more universal. And maybe lose the "me so solly" bit.

  Bart Simpson : Hey, whoa, whoa. Let's not tamper with a classic.

  Krusty the Clown : Shut up, kid. Come on, Leno. Tamper, teach, impart.

• Bart Simpson : Oh, P-U, what where you drinking, gasoline?

  Krusty the Clown : Yes, I was drinking gasoline, MOTHER!

• Sideshow Mel : [to Krusty]  They say any publicity is good publicity.

  Krusty the Clown : You, sir, are an idiot.

  [Mr. Teeny makes chittering noises] 

  Krusty the Clown : Aw, that's your answer to everything! Look at my life. I'm talking to a monkey and a... I don't know what the hell you are.

  Sideshow Mel : You can be so cruel when you're sober.

• Krusty the Clown : [When Bart and Jay Leno are giving Krusty a bath and washing his hair]  Jay, you're a professional comedian, right? Right? Answer me!

  Jay Leno : Yes! Now stop squirming. I'm trying to get these tangles out.

  Bart : They are just impossible.

  [Jay Leno gives him a look] 

  Bart : Well, they are.

• Krusty the Clown : [reading the review of the benefit in the newspaper]  "Last night's charity benefit brought wall-to-wall laughs without exception." Phew! "The only exception was the embarrassingly dated humor of Springfield's green-haired, red-nosed hack..."

  [turns pages] 

  Krusty the Clown : Yeah, yeah, yeah. "KRUSTY THE CLOWN?"

  [sobs] 

  Krusty the Clown : No!

• Homer Simpson : [burning his money]  Take that, you greedy fat cats! Marge, give me your purse!

  Marge Simpson : [quickly to Lisa]  Here's $42. It's everything I have. Run home and bury it in the yard!

  Lisa Simpson : [taking the money]  I love you, mom.

• Bart : What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.

  Homer : Well, maybe if he had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him.

• [Driving home from Krusty's comedy show] 

  Homer Simpson : From now on, I'm going to be just like Krusty and tell it like it is! Marge, you're getting a little fat around the thighs.

  Bart : Dad!

  Homer Simpson : You too, Bart.

  Marge : Oh Homer, be quiet, you're the fattest person in this car.

  Homer Simpson : Aw... you didn't have to tell it like it is.

• Janeane Garafolo : [sighs]  I got my period today.

  Marge Simpson : [spits out her drink]  Good lord!

  Janeane Garafolo : Plus got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.

  Homer : [laughing hysterically]  Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!

  [thumps his fists on the table] 

• Homer : [to Bart]  Whoops, sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown.