The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Last Temptation of Krusty (1998)

Jay Leno: Jay Leno

Quotes 

• Reporter : [When Krusty announces his retirement from show business]  But, Krusty, why now? Why not 20 years ago?

  Krusty the Clown : 'Cause comedy ain't funny anymore. Instead of time-tested jokes about women drivers and doctor bills, you got some big-chin schlub reading typos from the Palookaville Post. Well, here's a headline for you: "Nobody cares."

  [Everyone laughs] 

  Jay Leno : Hey, I washed your hair.

• Bart Simpson : [to Jay Leno]  Anyway, don't you have some advice for Krusty?

  Jay Leno : Well, these days, people like observational humor about things they deal with in everyday life.

  Krusty the Clown : Oh, yeah. You mean like when your lazy butler washes your sock garters and they're still covered with schmutz?

  Jay Leno : Well, kind of, but more universal. And maybe lose the "me so solly" bit.

  Bart Simpson : Hey, whoa, whoa. Let's not tamper with a classic.

  Krusty the Clown : Shut up, kid. Come on, Leno. Tamper, teach, impart.

• Krusty the Clown : [When Bart and Jay Leno are giving Krusty a bath and washing his hair]  Jay, you're a professional comedian, right? Right? Answer me!

  Jay Leno : Yes! Now stop squirming. I'm trying to get these tangles out.

  Bart : They are just impossible.

  [Jay Leno gives him a look] 

  Bart : Well, they are.