- Chief Wiggum: If I can tranq one freak on stilts, I know I've done my job.
- Lou: You're living the dream
- [while Apu and Sideshow Bob reminisce about Bob's attempt to frame Krusty for robbing the Kwik-E-Mart]
- Homer Simpson: If you two hens are finished *clucking*, I would like to buy the latest issue of "Jugs & Ammo".
- [Sideshowbob is helping Homer, who has just been elected king of Mardi Gras, find his attempted killer]
- Sideshow Bob: Homer it's a trap. You only won because someone filled the poll with these.
- [shows votes with all the same handwriting]
- Homer: Nevertheless, the people have spoken.
- Marge Simpson: [walking through a prison] I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.
- Lisa Simpson: It still beats Disney's California Adventure.
- [Chief Wiggum reveals Sideshow Bob as the criminal who will help catch whomever wants Homer dead]
- Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Ahhh! Sideshow Bob!
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, come now. We've been through so much. Just call me Bob.
- Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Ahhh! Bob!
- Chief Wiggum: Where on my badge does it say anything about protecting people?
- Lou: Uh, second word, chief.
- Bart, Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
- Sideshow Bob: Please, we've been through so much together. Call me Bob.
- Bart, Lisa: Aah! Bob!
- [Bob has broken into Bart's room. Bob gags Bart by duct taping his mouth shut but can't go ahead with killing him and instead serenades him with a version of 'Accustomed to his face'. Bart remains gagged throughout although he tries to escape several times as Bob has not restrained him in any other way]
- Sideshow Bob: I know this chubby scalawag has made my life a living hell. Surely, If I drank his blood, I'd be at peace but well...
- Bart Simpson: [Bart decides to remove the duct tape from his mouth and joins in with Bob] You've grown accustomed to my face...
- Sideshow Bob: This isn't a duet
- Bart Simpson: Sorry
- [Despite not being explicitly asked to by Bob, Bart decides to duct tape his own mouth shut and allows Bob to sing again uninterrupted]
- Homer Simpson: Hey! Frank Grimes wasn't married! How could have a son?
- Frank Grimes, Jr.: He happened to like hookers, OK?
- Sideshow Bob: Homer, think carefully. Of all the people you have known, who might have reason to do you ill?
- Homer Simpson: Hmm. Well, there's Mr. Burns... Fat Tony, the Emperor of Japan, ex-President Bush.
- Marge Simpson: The late Frank Grimes.
- Homer Simpson: PBS, Stephen Hawking... the fat little Dixie Chick.
- Marge Simpson: And the state of Florida.