The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Day the Violence Died (1996)
Kirk Douglas: Chester J. Lampwick
Photos
Quotes
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[everyone is eating at the table; Abe and Chester glare at each other]
Abe Simpson : I thought I recognized you! I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop, and you never did it!
Chester J. Lampwick : Those corn muffins were lousy!
Abe Simpson : Paint my chicken coop!
Chester J. Lampwick : Make me!
[Abe gets up and the two start brawling]
Marge Simpson : That does it! One of them has to go!
Homer Simpson : Okay, Grampa.
Marge Simpson : No, the B-U-M.
Homer Simpson : Oh.
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Chester J. Lampwick : He didn't create Itchy: I did.
Bart Simpson : Huh?
Chester J. Lampwick : He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.
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Bart : All right. The coast is clear. There's a box you can sleep in.
Chester J. Lampwick : Thanks.
Bart : Just move that cot outta the way.
Chester J. Lampwick : Okay.
Bart : Do you know what radon is?
Chester J. Lampwick : No.
Bart : Good night.
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Bart : Show some respect, man. That "no talent" created Itchy and Scratchy.
Chester J. Lampwick : He didn't create Itchy and Scratchy, I did!
Bart : Huh?
Chester J. Lampwick : He stole the character from me in nineteen-twenty-eight. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily I was carrying an umbrella at the time.
Bart : You invented Itchy - the Itchy and Scratchy Itchy?
Chester J. Lampwick : Sure. In fact, I invented the whole concept of cartoon violence. Before I came along, all cartoon animals did was play the ukulele. I changed all of that.
Bart : Well, I'm not callin' you liar, but -
[sighs]
Bart : but I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.
Chester J. Lampwick : So, I'm a liar, am I?
Bart : Itchy the Lucky Mouse in: Manhattan Madness.
[reading the name of a tape reel case]
Chester J. Lampwick : That's the first Itchy cartoon ever made! And it was made by me - Chester J. Lampwick. Find me a ninty-year-old projector and Ill prove it to you.
