- Vincent Price: Good afternoon gentlemen, I've been waiting for you!
- [laughs maniacally]
- John Madden: [to Summarall, about Price being alive] Now that just doesn't make a lick of sense!
- Pat Summerall: I know, I know, just get on the bus.
- Wally Kogen: How could I fall for fake tickets? The fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
- Homer Simpson: Yes, if by "crestfallen" you mean kill us!
- Homer Simpson: See ya, kids! Me and my Val-U-Qual book are gonna go paint the town red... WITH SAVINGS! I'll start with a couple of pizzas, then a complimentary tango lesson, then I'll cap it off with a smooth, refreshing colonic!
- Lisa Simpson: Um... dad...
- Homer Simpson: [singing while leaving] Do you like piña colonics, and getting caught in the rain? Passing out in the ocean...
- Wally Kogen: [shakes Homer's hand] Wally Kogen.
- Homer Simpson: Hey I know you, we were in the same pyramid scheme!
- Bart Simpson: Cool, the NFL's oldest surviving player!
- Old Football Player: I'm fifty-three years young.
- Homer Simpson: [shudders]
- Commercial voice-over: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless... if you think about it.
- Homer Simpson: [watching TV] Heh heh heh, football's so great!