The Simpsons (TV Series)
One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish (1991)
Harry Shearer: Dr. Hibbert, Ned Flanders, Eddie, Homer's Cellmate, Montgomery Burns, Waylon Smithers, Barfly
Quotes
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Dr. Julius Hibbert : Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer Simpson : No way, because I'm not dying!
Dr. Julius Hibbert : Second is anger.
Homer Simpson : [furiously] Why you little... !
Dr. Julius Hibbert : After that comes fear.
Homer Simpson : [worried] What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Julius Hibbert : Bargaining.
Homer Simpson : Doc, you gotta get me outta this. I'll make it worth your while.
Dr. Julius Hibbert : Finally acceptance.
Homer Simpson : Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Julius Hibbert : Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
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Dr. Julius Hibbert : Erm... your wife agreed that should I break this to you.
Homer Simpson : No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book.
[he looks at Marge, who is frowning]
Homer Simpson : [excited] Oooh! It's good news, isn't it?
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Dr. Julius Hibbert : If in fact you've consumed the venom of the blowfish, and from what the chef has told me, it's quite probable... You have 24 hours to live.
Homer Simpson : 24 hours!
Dr. Julius Hibbert : Well, 22, I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.
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Eddie : [opening Homer's jail cell door] OK, flash. You get one phone call.
Homer Simpson : [at a phone, about to dial] Wait, I can't call Marge. It's our last day on Earth together, I can't drag her into this mess. I know, I'll call Barney.
[he dials. Cut to an answering machine in Barney's filthy apartment. Barney is sitting on the couch cutting his toenails]
Voices on Answering Machine : [to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony] Nobody's here! Nobody's here! Nobody's here, nobody's here, nobody's here!
Homer Simpson : Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes! Thanks a lot, Barney, I just wasted my one phone call on your stupid...
Barney Gumble : [rushes to the phone and picks up it up] What? Wait! I'm home! I'm home! Hi, Homer.
Homer Simpson : You've got to help me, Barney, I'm in jail.
Barney Gumble : You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window.
[looks out of his window overlooking the police station, sees Homer inside and waves to him]
Barney Gumble : Hiya neighbour! I can seee you!
Homer Simpson : D'oh, gah! Just get over here and bring 50 bucks for bail!
Barney Gumble : 50 bucks! What'd you do, kill a judge?
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[one of the things on Homer's list of things to do before he dies is "Tell off boss". While riding in Barney's car, he happens to spot Mr. Burns sitting on a park bench]
Homer Simpson : [leaning out of the car window as he goes past] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
Mr. Burns : [annoyed] Who the Sam Hill was that?
Smithers : Why, it's... Homer Simpson, sir. One of the schmoes from sector 7G.
Mr. Burns : Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9 o'clock Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.
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Homer Simpson : [in a jail cell, listening to his cellmate playing the harmonica] That's sorta nice. What are you in for?
Homer's Cellmate : Atmosphere.
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Homer Simpson : [has been pulled over by Eddie and Lou, who are each wearing sunglasses and in a rather cocky mood] I'm sorry, officer, I know I was going too fast, just give me a ticket.
Eddie : I beg your pardon?
Homer Simpson : Just give me a ticket!
Lou : Whoa, well, that sounded like an order.
Homer Simpson : I pay my taxes and they pay your salary, so when I say give me a ticket, just give me a ticket!
Eddie : Uh-huh. Maybe we don't want to give you a ticket.
Lou : Maybe we want to haul your butt in, wiseguy.
[cut to Homer being shoved into a jail cell]
Eddie : [off-camera] Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?
[Eddie and Lou laugh as the door slams shut]
