The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Substitute (1991)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Anonymous Students

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Homer is trying to comfort Lisa after Mr. Bergstrom has left] 

  Homer : Oh, this isn't working at all!

  Lisa Simpson : [wanting him gone]  Look, if you just want me to forgive you...!

  Homer : No, no! I just wish I knew what to say.

  [he opens Lisa's music box, and a tune begins to play] 

  Homer : Although, maybe this music will help. Now, you you lost someone special to you, and it hurts. I'm lucky, because I never lost anyone special to me. Everyone special to me is right under this roof.

  Lisa Simpson : Oh...

  Homer : No, it's true. Now you'll have lots of special people in your life, Lisa. There's probably some place where they all get together and the food is real good, and guys like me are serving drinks.

• [Lisa's crying in her room] 

  Homer : Are you crying because you called Daddy a baboon?

  Lisa Simpson : No!

  Homer : [aggravated]  Nuts!

• Mr. Bergstrom : Actually, mister Simpson, they do know a great deal about the process of mummification. First they pull the brain out through the nose with an iron hook and stuff the insides with sawdust and onions.

  Lisa Simpson : Eww, gross!

  Homer : Ooh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than the Wolf Man.

  Lisa Simpson : Oh, Lord...

• Lisa Simpson : [to Mr Bergstrom]  You were just gonna' leave?

• Lisa Simpson : I guess this is it. If you don't mind, I'll just run alongside the train as it speeds you from my life.

• Lisa Simpson : im glad im not crying cause i would hste for you to think whst im about to say is out of emotion. but you sir are a baboon baboon baboon baboon.