The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Rival (1994)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa, Hans Moleman

Quotes 

• Marge : Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

  Homer : NEVER! Never, Marge! I can't live the buttoned-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the *blue*-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors. Oh! I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"!

  Marge : Look, just get rid of the sugar, okay?

  Homer : No!

• Homer : [imitating Al Pacino]  Een America, first you get da suger, den you get de power, den you get de weemen.

• Homer : [screams as bees swarm onto his pile of sugar]  Hey! Get off my sugar! Bad bees! Bad!

  [bees sting him] 

  Homer : Ow! OW! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!

• Homer : [sleepily]  Must... protect... sugar. Thieves everywhere. The strong must protect the sweet. The sweet...

• Homer : Oh yeah, Marge? You said I wouldn't make any money. Well, I made a dollar while waiting for the bus.

  Marge : While you were out making that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. And the plant called and said that if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.

  Homer : WOOHOO! Four day weekend.

• Marge : [shaking Homer awake]  Homer.

  Homer : [sleepily]  Uh...

  Marge : Homer!

  Homer : Wha-what?

  Marge : I want you to forget about guarding the stupid sugar. You're being completely paranoid!

  Homer : Oh, am I? Am I really?

  [grabs a gentleman hidden in the sugar pile] 

  Homer : Ah-HA!

  Tea-Drinking Man : Hello.

  Homer : Alright, pal. Where'd you get the sugar for that tea?

  Tea-Drinking Man : I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second... and I'd do it again.

  [sips and walks away] 

  Tea-Drinking Man : Goodbye.

  Homer : You see, Marge? You see?

• Homer : Bart, if foodstuffs should touch the ground, said foodstuffs shall be turned over to the village idiot. Since I don't see him around, start shoveling.

• Homer : And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a *dollar* while I was waiting for the bus!

  Marge : While you were out *earning* that dollar, you lost *forty* dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.

  Homer : Woo-hoo! A four-day weekend!