The Simpsons (TV Series)

Insane Clown Poppy (2000)

Drew Barrymore: Sophie

Quotes 

• Sophie : I was hoping maybe we could do some stuff together like go to the beach and junk.

  Krusty : Look, you're a sweet kid, but I'm not exactly father material. I curse, I gamble, I pick fights with homeless people. I...

  [tears well up in her eyes] 

  Krusty : What's wrong with your eyes? You need a Claritin or something?

  [her lip trembles] 

  Krusty : Oh, all right. You get one trip to the beach, with my assistant.

  [her face falls] 

  Krusty : Okay, I'll take you.

• Krusty : [at the beach with Sophie, putting on a sleep mask]  Okay, kid, there's the water. Knock yourself out.

  Sophie : Come on, Dad. Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.

  Krusty : Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things or says stuff or looks at you. But the love is there.

  [kissing his hand] 

  Krusty : Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.

  [she puts his hand on her cheek] 

  Krusty : Oh, that's my girl.

  Sophie : Okay, you just sit there and I'll throw the Frisbee to you.

  Krusty : Oof, I gotta sit up now? What am I, Baryshnikov?

• Krusty : [stopping Sophie's mom from assassinating Saddam Hussein]  I just saved my baseball bit. Who's Sayin's on first, Iya Tol'ya's on second, and...

  Sophie's Mom : [jumping on him and choking him]  You stupid clown!

  Krusty : [the flashback ends]  When I came to, she was gone and the war had been over for eight months. Anyway, how'd you finally find me?

  Sophie : All Mom ever said was my father was some pathetic clown. So typed "pathetic clown" into a search engine and your name popped right up.

• Krusty : Name?

  Sophie : My name is Sophie.

  Krusty : Hey, good luck with that.

  Sophie : I'm your daughter.

  Krusty : WHAAA...?

  Sophie : [hugging him]  I finally found my daddy.

  Krusty : Ohh...

  [glancing at his pants] 

  Krusty : I think I just seltzered myself.

  [John Updike snickers] 

  Krusty : Shut up, Updike!

• Krusty : Kid, I gotta admit, you're starting to grow on me.

  Sophie : Same here, Dad. It's nice that you don't always have to be on.

  Krusty : I thought I was on! When was I off? That bit about the tide pool? I tell you, it killed at Jacques Cousteau's funeral.

  Sophie : [taking out a violin]  Dad, relax. Just enjoy the sunset.

  Krusty : [she starts to play]  Hey, I know that song. My dad used to play it when I was a boy.

  [sniffling] 

  Krusty : It's beautiful.

  Sophie : Do you play?

  Krusty : No, I guess musical talent skips a generation, like diabetes. Might want to watch out for that, too.

• Sophie : Mom, I had the best time! Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?

  Krusty : Why, I'd love to... Whoa!

  [seeing all the anti-clown art in the apartment, he groans nervously] 

  Krusty : Oskar Homolka! That's okay. I think I'll go somewhere friendlier, like beautiful downtown Grozny!

• Sophie : [upon seeing how unfatherly Krusty is]  You know, for a clown, you're not really a lot of fun.