"The Simpsons" Homer the Great (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)

(1995)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Arnie Pie, Homer Glumplet, Grampa Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Innkeeper, Orville Redenbacher

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Grampa : I'm a member!

    Homer : Huh?

    Grampa : What?

    Homer : What?

    Grampa : Huh?

    Lisa : You're a member of the Stonecutters, Grampa?

    Grampa : Oh, sure. Let's see...

    [starts going through the cards in his wallet] 

    Grampa : I'm an elk, a Mason, a communist. I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason. Ah, here it is. The Stonecutters.

    Homer : This is it! My ticket in: they have to let me in if I'm the son of a member. I'll take this communist one too.

  • Homer : Why won't those stupid idiots let me into their crappy club for jerks?

  • Homer : I'd give anything to get into the Stonecutters.

    Lisa : What do they do there, Dad?

    Grampa : I'm a member -

    Homer : What do they do? What *don't* they do?

    [laughs] 

    Homer : Oh, they do so many things they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars.

    Lisa : You don't know what they do there, do you?

    Homer : Not as such, no.

  • Homer : I swear, that if I ever reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, that my stomach shall become bloated, and my head plucked of all but three hairs...

    Moe Szyslak : Um, I think he should have to take a different oath.

    Number One : Everybody takes the same oath!

  • Marge : Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Karault because you thought he dug up your garden?

    Homer : Well, something did.

    Marge : I don't want you stalking people tonight.

    Homer : All right, fine. I'll be right back. I'm just going outside... to... stalk... Lenny and Carl... D'oh!

  • Lenny : There are only two ways to gain membership: be the son of a Stonecutter...

    Homer Simpson : Next...?

    Lenny : Or, save the life of a Stonecutter.

    [starts to eat a sandwich] 

    Homer Simpson : Hey!

    [grabs the sandwich and stomps on it] 

    Homer Simpson : I saved your life! That egg sandwich could've killed you by cholesterol.

    Lenny : Pfft, forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human bloodstream.

    Homer Simpson : So, one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?

    Lenny : Aw, you've got it all wrong, Homer. It's not like that.

    [tries to gesture to a creeping man in an egg costume nearby, who runs away after Homer sees him] 

    Homer Simpson : YOU'D BETTER RUN, EGG!

  • Bart : Dad, remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grampa?

    Homer : Do I ever! It's five years later and I still think I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken, Marge!

    Marge : I know, I know.

  • Homer Simpson : [being stripped of his Stonecutter robes after inadvertently destroying the Sacred Parchment]  Please don't kick me out. This society is everything to me! Please give me another chance! I've learned my lesson! I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON!

    [as he's shouting, he bangs on the Sacred Parchment, ripping it] 

    Stonecutter : That's it! How can we punish him further?

    Homer Simpson : Oh, sorry.

    Number One : Homer Simpson, for your continuing and *baffling* desecration of our beloved Sacred Parchment, you are hereby banished from the Stonecutters forever! And as a final humiliation, you must walk home naked, dragging behind you the Stone of Shame.

    [Homer has a collar attached to him with a large boulder behind him. The other Stonecutters gasp at a mark on Homer's side] 

    Dr. Hibbert : The mark!

    Homer Simpson : Oh, that's just a birthmark and I'll thank you not to stare!

    Moe Szyslak : He's the Chosen One!

    [they all bow before him] 

    Number One : You are the Chosen One, whom the Sacred Parchment prophesied would lead us to glory! Now to the top of Mt. Springfield for the coronation! Remove the Stone of Shame.

    Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo!

    Number One : Attach the Stone of Triumph!

    Homer Simpson : [finds out the Stone of Triumph is twice the size of the Stone of Shame]  OHH!

  • Marge : Homer, a man who called himself "you-know-who" just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" at the "you-know-what". You certainly are popular now that you're a Stonecutter.

    Homer : Oh, yeah. Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night. It's wonderful, Marge. I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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