The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer Badman (1994)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Fox Night at the Movies Announcer, Reporter #2, Grampa Simpson, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie, Mayor Quimby
Quotes
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[Homer's TV interview]
Homer : Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on
[edit]
Homer : her
[edit]
Homer : sweet can.
[edit]
Homer : I grab
[edit]
Homer : her
[edit]
Homer : sweet can.
[edit]
Homer : Oh, just thinking about
[edit]
Homer : her
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Homer : can. I just wish I had
[edits]
Homer : her sweet, sweet, s-s-sweet can.
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Anchorman : Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!
Homer : HEY! That's a half-truth!
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Homer : So, a graduate student, huh? How come they can send a man to the moon but can't make my shoes smell good?
Ashley Grant : I'm sorry?
Homer : Ah, nobody's blamin' you.
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Homer : [being hassled by protesters] You people can't stop me from living my life.
[the protesters follow Homer all the way to work]
Woman Rocking Homer : We're not crazy about nuclear power either.
Smithers : You people aren't allowed in here.
[the protesters stop hassling Homer for a moment]
Homer : No, it's OK, they're with me.
[Smithers leaves and the protesters resume hassling Homer]
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Homer : [driving Ashley home] Hey could you grab the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once.
Ashley Grant : [disgusted] Just drop me off here!
Homer : [notices Ashley had sat on the gummi Venus de Milo and it's stuck to her pants]
[gasps]
Homer : Precious Venus...
[rips it off her pants]
Homer : [Ashley feels it and looks over at Homer who's drooling and runs away screaming] Thank you!
[eats the gummi]
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Ashley Grant : [angrily points at Homer] You grabbed me in the car!
Homer : [thinks for a moment] Oh that, No I was just grabbing the gummi Venus de Milo that got stuck to your pants
Woman : Yeah right, that's the oldest excuse in the book!
Homer : Come on, I'm a decent guy!
[a news helicopter arrives on the scene blowing up Homer's robe revealing he's not wearing any underwear]
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Homer : Ooh! I feel like a kid in some kind of a store.
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Announcer : And now we return to "Fox Night at the Movies": "Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber", starring Dennis Franz.
Homer Simpson : Ooh, "portrait"! Sounds classy. Doesn't it?
[On screen, Franz as Homer laughs as he drives through a line of parking meters while "Ashley" screams. A cat is cleaning itself in the middle of the road]
"Ashley Grant" : No, Mr. Simpson! A cat is a living creature.
Dennis Franz as Homer Simpson : I don't care!
[Franz as Homer proceeds to run the cat over. He recklessly pulls the car next to a sidewalk]
Dennis Franz as Homer Simpson : [leering at "Ashley"] Now, I'm gonna grab me some *sweet*.
"Ashley Grant" : No, Mr. Simpson, that's sexual harassment. If you keep it up, I'll yell so loud the whole country will hear!
Dennis Franz as Homer Simpson : [chuckles darkly] With a man in the White House? Not likely!
[laughs maniacally]
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Homer : [finding out he's being accused for sexual harassment] Phew, what a relief for a second I thought I was in trouble, it's a good thing - DOH!
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[At the candy convention, Dr. Frink introduces his latest invention]
Professor Frink : As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour, it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. The candy, known as 77X42 is -- hey!
[looks in case]
Professor Frink : Where the hell's the candy?
Homer : [face grossly contorted] I dunno...
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Homer : Hello. I am Homer Simpson. Or as some of you wags have dubbed me, Father Goose.
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[In bed that night, Homer sighs, glad to be finally rid of the angry mob]
Homer : They're ruining my whole life. Marge, please, this is where I need you the most: I'm counting on you do to something or say something to make it all better. OK... go!
Marge : Homer...
Homer : [anxious] Uh huh?
Marge : I already talked to the indignation coordinator out on the lawn today. I told her you were a decent man, but she wouldn't listen. Besides standing by you and supporting you, there isn't any more I can do.
Homer : You mean... I'm on my own? I've never been on my own! Oh no... on own... on own! I need help... oh, God, help me. HELP ME, GOD!
[phone rings, Homer answers it very slowly]
Homer : [very slowly] Yello?
Godfrey Jones : Hello, Homer. This is God... frey Jones from the TV magazine show "Rock Bottom". We're aware of your problems, and, Mr. Simpson... we want to help.
Homer : Mmm. I saw that report you did on Sasquatch. It was fair and even-handed. I'll do it!
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[Inside a studio at Channel Three, Grampa helps them decorate by hanging a large U.S. flag behind Homer's podium]
Marge : There are only 49 stars on that flag.
Grampa Simpson : [angrily] I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize "Missourah"!
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Groundskeeper Willie : My hobby is secretly videotaping couples in cars. I didn't come forward, because in this country, it makes you look like a pervert. But every single Scottish person does it!
